


Vingt-Cinq Ans Adieu

by mahisquared



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Depression, First Time, Frotting, M/M, Masturbation, Parental Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, slight gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:55:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahisquared/pseuds/mahisquared
Summary: (The title is in French but the work is in English) Keith and Shiro must figure out their feelings for each other before it's too late.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For non Americans: 118F is ~47C

**THEN**

 

The hot Arizona desert had reached an all time high of 118 degrees. Normally, Keith would be glad to be out of the heat and in the cool climate controlled Garrison, but today? Keith would gladly be outside rather than in this annoying orientation assembly.

“It is so wonderful to see the new faces joining the Galaxy Garrison!” said the woman on stage. “You have all been chosen out of many applicants to become the next generation of space explorers. Congratulations!”

Keith slumped down in his seat. He was bored already.

“This school is for the elite. For the top scientific minds that the world has to offer. Some of you come from different states, others from different countries entirely. Because of this, you might the course load and expectations overwhelming at first. This is why you will all be assigned what we like to call a Ship Mate.”

_A what?_

“Essentially, your Ship Mate is a mentor. We call them Ship Mates, because they are just like your co-pilot on your ships. They are here to be your number two, for you to lean on and ask for help and guidance. They will be with you through your freshman year, but when you advance to your sophomore year, it will be time for them to help a different cadet. Although,” she said with a smile, “There's nothing wrong with forming friendships with your Ship Mates, and continuing to have a lasting relationship with them. They just will not serve the same purpose, and may be too busy to help you and you alone out.”

Keith grunted in annoyance. Great. He was going to be assigned some jerk to be his shadow. Follow his every move, pester him about if he was doing his school work or not. Awesome.

“In the orientation folder you were all given before this assembly, you will find a slip of paper with the name of your assigned Ship Mate on it. After this assembly, you will go to the commons, where you will find the Ship Mates waiting for you, holding a sign with your name on it. Please introduce yourselves. It's highly recommended that you sit with them during dinner tonight as well, to get to know them better.”

After about 30 minutes, they were released to go to the commons. Keith stared into the group of older students, feeling frustrated. All he wanted to do was go back to his dorm and relax. Why did he have to go talk with some asshole? He knew that he would be reported if he just left, so he pushed his way into the crowd, looking for his name. Finally he came across it and...

Whoa.

Keith felt a little flutter in his chest as he looked at the man in front of him. This was a feeling he had felt one time before and that was when he had stumbled upon a bara manga in the school library that was most definitely not school property.

He looked down at the slip of paper and cleared his throat. “T-takashi?” he asked.

The tall man before him smiled down at him. He had a great jawline, flawless hair, and stunning eyes. And he was built. Keith found himself confused as to why he had noted all of these things.

“You can call me Shiro,” Shiro said. “You must be Keith.”

“I...yeah. That's me.”

“Great!” Shiro said. “Uh, looks like all the couches are taken,” he said, looking around the commons. “We can sit on the floor if you want or head to my dorm.”

“Head to your dorm?” Keith asked in a squeak. Shiro gave him an odd look.

“I have a couch,” he said. “But if that's not something you want to do, no pressure. I understand that might be an odd request since we barely know each other.”

“Sitting on the floor is fine,” Keith said. Shiro nodded, and the two sat down.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Shiro asked, leaning forwards.

“There's not much to tell,” Keith said. “I'm Keith Kogane, I live with my dad. Uh. I was born in October. I don't know.”

Shiro laughed. “I'm Shiro, I haven't lived with my parents in years, and I was born in February.”

Keith gave him a small smile. “Cool,” he said. “So...what exactly do you do in the Garrison?”

“I'm one of the exploration pilots,” Shiro said. “I used to go to school here, and now I'm employed through the Garrison. But I also do Ship Mate stuff. I think it's fun.”

“What exactly does a Ship Mate do?” Keith asked. “Do you just make sure I'm doing my homework and stuff?”

“I can if you want me to,” Shiro said. “I'm here to make your freshman year easier. You can come to me with any questions you have, and I'll give you advice. Another thing we do is just hang out.”

“Really?” Keith asked. “I don't really...hang out.”

“It'd just be you and me,” Shiro said. Keith felt his heart beating fast in his chest at these words. Just him? And Shiro?

“I guess that'd be okay,” Keith said.

“That's great!” Shiro said happily. “Because I already know where I want to take you for our first hang out.”

“You do?” Keith asked, surprised.

“Yeah! Do you like old horror movies?”

“Depends,” Keith said. “Which ones are we talking?”

“There's a screening of all the old Saw movies. Now, I know what you're thinking,” Shiro said, putting his hands up. “Those movies aren't great. It's just gore for the sake of being gory, nothing really scary about it. But this place is awesome. They have couches and armchairs and serve you real food, not just popcorn and soda. Real meals. It's awesome.”

“So you want to go just for the atmosphere?” Keith asked.

“Pretty much,” Shiro said. “But the Saw movies are a guilty pleasure of mine. Don't tell anyone.” 

“I won't,” Keith said with a laugh. “But I gotta admit, I've never seen them.”

“Well then we have to go!” Shiro said, excited. “If you find yourself not liking them, we can go early and find something else to do. I mean, really, I probably shouldn't be taking a 14 year old to see these movies but I think it'll be fun.”

“Me too,” Keith said with a grin. This Shiro guy was a lot more fun than he had been expecting. And pretty too.

Wait. What?

Pretty?

Why had THAT come into his mind?

The two of them stood up, and Shiro clapped him on the back. “Want me to take you to your dorm?”

“Sure,” Keith said, trying to play it cool. “Are...are we having dinner together?”

“Do you want to?” Shiro asked. “I don't want to pressure you if you have friends you want to sit with.”

“Nah,” Keith said, shaking his head. “There's nobody I'd rather sit with.”

“Then I'll see you in the dining room! Let's get you to your dorm.”

 

**NOW**

 

“You know who I really hate? Lance.” Keith said angrily, plopping down on his mattress. “Fucking...he's just...so full of himself and he's such a jerk to me for no reason!”

“From what his Ship Mate told me,” Shiro said, closing the door to Keith's room behind them, “He gets easily threatened. Something about you is threatening to him.”

“Great. So I'm going to have to live with someone who is threatened by me for who knows how long?” Keith spat. 

“If he gets out of line, I'll put a stop to it,” Shiro said calmly. “I've got your back, just like you have mine.”

Keith calmed down at those words, face softening. “Thanks Shiro,” he said, smiling at him.

“There's that smile I like to see,” Shiro said, and sat down next to Keith. “It looks good on you, you know?”

“Shut up,” Keith said, rolling his eyes.

“About you showing that you're happy? Never.”

“Mrs. Robinson are you trying to seduce me?” Keith said, smile broadening. Shiro laughed.

“I'm glad I made you watch The Graduate, because that was perfect,” Shiro said, wiping happy tears from his eyes.

“Well you're peppering me with compliments, what's a guy supposed to think?”

“He's supposed to think that he has a best friend who cares about him deeply,” Shiro said, pulling him into a one armed hug. “A best friend who gets to do the Ship Mate thing again.”

“What?” Keith said, confused.

“I missed it,” Shiro said, looking sad. “Your 18th birthday. I missed it. I had a plan and everything. I wanted to guide you, show you how to be an adult, teach you what I wish I'd known.”

Keith's eyes mist over. “That...that would be awesome. God Shiro, I'm so glad I know you.”

“I'm glad I know you too,” Shiro said. He gave Keith another hug and then stood up. “I better go check in with everyone else before lights out, make sure they're all doing okay.”

“Even Lance?”

“Yes, even Lance. I'll see if I can convince him to go easy on you. Don't worry, I won't let him know you were talking about it.”

“Whatever,” Keith said. “See you 'round.”

Shiro left and Keith flopped back on his bed.

_There's the smile I like to see. It looks good on you, you know?_

Keith had almost turned bright red at these words. Why was Shiro suddenly complimenting him like that? Okay, sure, Shiro was nice and all that, and it wasn't like he hadn't complimented him before. 

The thing was, there had never been a moment where Keith hadn't loved Shiro, friendship wise as romantically. Shiro was easy to love. He had a big, open heart, and was the nicest guy Keith had ever known. So every compliment went to his head, made him feel like he was walking on air. And now that he was 18...

No. Keith refused to let himself think about that. A relationship with Shiro was not possible. Why would Shiro even want to be with him? Out of all the people he could pick, there was no way he would pick Keith. But there was a small part of him that was begging him to go to Shiro and confess. Confess every secret thought he'd ever had about Shiro, to tell him those three little words...

Keith sighed, and rolled over. He'd played out every version of that fantasy in his head since he was 14 years old. Shiro had always been too old for him. 

Not anymore

Keith grabbed his pillow and put it over his head, as though trying to smother the little voice in his head that was trying to pressure him into talking to Shiro. 

A sudden image of everyone changing into their armor popped into his head. Pidge had wanted to change alone, but everyone else was fine. And speaking of fine...

Keith pulled down his pants and began to stroke himself. Shiro had always been built, but now? He had gotten a lot more muscular. Keith wanted to run his hands over Shiro's body, suck at his nipples, kiss his way down until he reached the top of Shiro's pants. Then, he would unzip his pants with his teeth, take Shiro out and begin to suck on him. Draw cries of pleasure out of him, while he gripped Keith's hair hard.

With a grunt, Keith came in his hand. Shit. He should've used the tissues next to his bed! He grabbed a few and cleaned up. He got under the covers and closed his eyes. That would be the extent of what his and Shiro's relationship could be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to contact me or talk about the fic you can find me on tumblr under the username subwaystanwich

**THEN**

_Can a guy think another guy is hot without being gay?_

Keith hit enter and stared at his phone as he lay in bed. An article popped up swearing that you could even have sex with a man and still be straight, which Keith ignored. That was bullshit. Then something popped up about “bromosexual” relationships. He opened that, but the more he read through, the more desperate to be straight the author sounded.

With a deep sigh, Keith put his phone aside. Every single time he and Shiro got together, he couldn't help but admire his Ship Mate. And when Shiro would place a hand on his shoulder, Keith felt his heart soar. But that didn't make him gay, right?

_Am I gay_

A few quizzes popped up, and Keith took a few. But they were all a bunch of stupid questions and he had a nagging feeling that most of the ones he was taking were made by teenage girls. How was he supposed to know? Maybe he could convince Shiro to go swimming, and if he was fine around a hot shirtless guy, he would be fine, right? Straight as an arrow.

Shirtless Shiro...his mind slowly began to wander, showing him visions of Shiro slowly pulling his shirt off, and tossing it aside...hands caressing his own body before unbuttoning his jeans and--

NO! STOP! 

Keith punched his pillow. That thought had not been the straightest thing he'd ever thought. But it had been such a nice one. Maybe...maybe he could think about it a little bit longer...

Longer...how long was Shiro's cock? What did it look like? Would Shiro moan if Keith put his hand on it, stroking it up and down?

Keith grabbed his phone and went back to the article claiming that you could be straight and have sex with other men. Maybe he'd dismissed that too soon.

 

 _Sex is all about pleasure._ the article said. _It's about getting your partner off. If all you're seeking is an orgasm, and the only person to give it to you is a man, you're not gay if you allow him to give you that orgasm! You're not attracted to him, you just want that orgasm. And if you give him pleasure? Sex is about mutual pleasure. The act isn't done if you haven't given back. All you're doing is completing the act! You're not gay._

 

“What the fuck?” Keith mumbled. That was the biggest pile of bullshit he'd ever read. The other option was to go talk to someone about it, but there was no way that Keith would admit that he might be gay to somebody.

Keith slept fitfully that night, having dreams that he probably shouldn't be having. When he woke up, he felt ashamed and embarrassed. What would Shiro think if he knew? What if Shiro didn't want to be his Ship Mate anymore? That would be horrible.

Slowly, Keith began to get ready for the day.

“You okay?” Omar asked him. Keith looked over at his roommate who had just gotten out of the shower.

“Yeah I'm fine,” Keith mumbled. “I'm just...tired. That's all.”

“You hanging out with Shiro anytime soon?” Omar asked casually, picking out some clothes from his closet.

“Yeah, we're seeing the Saw movies tonight.”

“Saw? Really? I didn't think he'd be the type who'd be into that.” Omar said, surprised.

“Shiro is full of surprises,” Keith said. “But I'm worried about the movie. I looked into the Saw movies and...well he said they were basically gore porn but I didn't realize that was all there was to them.”

“Are you just watching them in his dorm or...?”

“No!” Keith said a little too loudly. “We're going to this place...it's called The Living Room? I think?”

“Oh I've heard of that place!” Omar said, taking his clothes into the bathroom but leaving the door open as he changed. “It's supposed to be awesome. I bet he just wants to hang out there.”

“It's that good?” Keith asked, surprised.

“I don't know, from what I've heard it sounds rad,” Omar said. “And anyway, even if you don't like the movies, you still hanging out with Shiro!”

Keith snorted. Omar talked about Shiro a lot, and often expressed how jealous he was that Keith got to hang out with him.

“Why do you have such a hard on for Shiro?” Keith asked. “He's...just like everyone else.”

“Just like everyone else?” Omar said, aghast, exiting the bathroom. “No he's not! He's incredible! How he's still single I have no idea.”

“Oh what, do you want to date him?” Keith asked, rolling his eyes. There was a pause.

“I mean, if he was down I wouldn't say no,” Omar said with a shrug. “But he'd totally get fired for--”

“You would date him?” Keith asked, shocked, turning around. Omar looked a little embarrassed.

“I...look, you're cool, so I don't mind telling you, but you can't tell anyone else, okay? I'm gay.”

“You are?” Keith asked.

“Yeah. You don't...that's not a problem is it?”

“No I-I...” Keith took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I just want to know how you know if you're gay. How did you figure it out?”

Omar gave Keith a knowing look, and Keith blushed. “So you think you might be gay, eh?”

“Not necessarily! It's just that, I mean, I'm just curious.”

“Mhm. Okay. You ever look at a guy and want to kiss him? Dwell on it? Think about what he might look like naked? You're gay.”

“Are you sure?” Keith asked. “'Cause I read this article saying that just because you think that stuff, it doesn't mean you're gay.”

“Yeah, those articles are written by people who want to be straight and are denying themselves,” Omar said. “You wanna know if you're gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let's figure this out the old fashioned way.”

“W-what?” Keith stuttered, mind going blank. He had a pretty good idea what Omar meant.

“Kiss me,” Omar said, looking completely serious. “Kiss me. See if kissing a guy gets you going.”

Keith said nothing, rooted to the spot, staring at Omar. This was crazy. He couldn't believe it. Omar was approaching him. Keith watched as Omar's eyes slowly closed and suddenly their lips were pressed together.

It was like fireworks were going off inside of him, his whole body warming up and then relaxing into it. He had kissed a girl before, once, but it hadn't been like this. Not at all. There hadn't been a tingling in his body, a desire for more. It was as if he had been lost in a desert, and Omar was a glass of water being offered to him.

When they finally broke apart, Keith felt limp and a bit woozy. But Omar looked all business.

“So?”

“I think...I think I'm gay.” Keith panted.

 

**NOW**

Keith got up, feeling surprisingly rested. Every night, especially after their missions, Keith would go to bed dog tired and awaken feeling groggy and not ready for the day.

There was a small knock on his door, and he looked up. Normally he would groggily tell whoever it was to leave him alone, but today was different. Keith threw a shirt on and opened his door. Standing in the doorway was Shiro, who was holding two plates and a small cake with the words “Happy Belated Birthday Keith” on it in red frosting.

“You brought me a cake,” Keith said, staring at it.

“I told you I wanted to do something for your 18th,” Shiro said. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Keith said, stepping out of the way. “Where did you get that?”

“I asked Hunk to make one. Allura translated an Altean recipe for him, and he made this. I hope you like it.”

“I'll like it, don't worry about it.” Keith said. “But, really, you didn't need to do anything.”

“I thought you said it'd be awesome to do something,” Shiro said.

“Did I say that?” Keith asked. Shiro nodded.

“On Earth...I wanted to get you a special present and take you to a fancy restaurant, and then talk to you about what being an adult is all about. But...that kind of got ruined, didn't it?”

“Shiro I can't believe you,” Keith said shaking his head. “I'm not worth all that trouble.”

“Yes you are!” Shiro said, placing the cake down on Keith's dresser. “You're worth it to me. You're my best friend.”

“I'll never get tired of you saying that,” Keith said with a small smile.

“You should smile more often,” Shiro said, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder.

“There's not a lot to smile about these days,” Keith said, looking at the ground. Shiro gripped Keith's shoulder.

“You smiled for me.”

“I'll always smile for you.”

“And why's that?”

_Because I'm in love with you._

“You're my best friend.” Keith said. “You...you represent all that was good in my life. Before you vanished. That was when all the good left. But now, now it's back.”

“You have other friends now Keith,” Shiro said. “Don't they make you happy?”

“Yeah, but...it's different with you.”

Shiro cocked his head. “Why am I any different?”

“I love you,” Keith said, and then sucked in a deep breath. Shiro blinked and then smiled.

“I love you too,” Shiro said. “We all love you.”

Keith sighed. He hadn't meant to say that, but clearly it had been misinterpreted. Perhaps that was for the best.

“I guess we should try that cake,” Keith said looking over at it. Shiro nodded. 

“Hunk worked hard on it,” Shiro said, picking it up. He pulled out a knife from his pocket and cut them both pieces. 

“This is really good,” Keith said, scarfing it down.

“Hunk's a pretty good cook and baker,” Shiro said. “If he didn't want to be a scientist, he could totally make it as a chef.”

Keith and Shiro spent the rest of the time talking about what it meant to be an adult, and the new responsibilities Keith now had. Shiro told some of his favorite memories about being 18, and expressed his hope that Keith would have just as good of a time at 18 as he did.

“You got to have fun though,” Keith said, putting his plate aside. “I have to defend the universe.”

“Our positions are slightly different,” Shiro admitted. “We've had different experiences. But you can still make the most of it.”

Shiro stood up and grabbed the remaining bit of cake and the plates. “I'll put these back in the kitchen,” he said.

“Before you go,” Keith said, gulping, “I need to tell you something. It's important.”

“Okay,” Shiro said.

“When I said I loved you...I meant that I love you. Not just as a friend.”

“Keith what are you saying?” Shiro said, frowning.

“I'm in love with you Shiro.” Keith said.

Shiro's face was hard, not at all what Keith had hoped for. “Let me put these away, and then I'll come talk to you about this.”

“Okay,” Keith said in a small voice, beyond worried.

The minutes passed, but they seemed like hours as Keith paced the floor, wondering what Shiro was going to say. He hadn't seemed pleased. No, quite the opposite.

Shiro finally came back, opening the door without a knock. He closed the door and looked at Keith.

“So you love me?” Shiro asked, getting right to the heart of the matter.

“Yeah,” Keith said.

“Yeah? That's all you have to say?” Shiro asked, the rare bit of frustration showing through in his tone.

“Look, I'm not good with feelings!”

“Then why did you even say anything?” Shiro asked. Keith blinked.

“Because...I'm 18 now. It's different. Things are different. I'm allowed to love you now.”

“No,” Shiro said. “You can't love me. You CAN'T.”

“Why?” Keith asked, striding forwards. “Is it because you're too old for me or some bullshit? Because I'm an ADULT now, I can do what I want, I can be with who I want!”

“That's part of it,” Shiro said. 

“Well what's the other part?” Keith asked heatedly.

“I'm different. After the Galra...I just...I'm not somebody you can love. You deserve someone better, someone whose spirit is whole. And anyway, I just, I don't feel that way.”

“No!” Keith shouted, slamming his hands on Shiro's chest. “You keep complimenting me and doing...doing things that someone who isn't just a friend would do.”

“I was just trying to be friendly.”

“You love me!” Keith said, tears in his eyes. “I know you do! Why won't you just admit it?”

“Keith,” Shiro said firmly. “Calm down.”

“NO!” Keith shouted, tears running down his cheeks.

“Keith, I still view you as my best friend. And I would do anything for you,” Shiro said, pushing him away gently. “But we can't.”

He opened Keith's door and left. Keith stared at the door, feeling as though the world would ever be right again.


	3. Chapter 3

**THEN**

 

“So what did you think?” Shiro asked as they left the theatre.

“I actually didn't hate them! This was fun.” Keith said happily. In truth, the movies had been fine, but the best part had been getting to sit next to Shiro on one of the love seats the whole time. They hadn't been pressed up against each other or anything, but just being close to him had been thrilling.

“You didn't hate them? Interesting review,” Shiro said, raising his eyebrows. “Does that mean you liked them?”

“Yeah,” Keith said. “They were super creepy and not as gross as I thought they were going to be.”

“Yeah there are some pretty gross horror movies out there,” Keith said. “My friend Matt dared me to see Human Centipede and...yeah. That one I won't be showing you.”

“Why?” Keith asked.

“Because it's just stupid and nasty,” Shiro said, shaking his head. “Nothing enjoyable about it at all.”

“We're way past your curfew,” Shiro said as they approached the Garrison. “I'll take the blame for it, don't worry. Good thing tomorrow is saturday.”

Surprisingly, they didn't have any trouble with the guards as they entered the Garrison. Shiro walked Keith up to his dorm, and wished him a goodnight.

“See you later!” Keith said, waving at him. He entered his room quietly, and closed the door. Omar was fast asleep, and Keith knew he was going to get tons of questions about Shiro in the morning.

He walked to his bed and flopped down. It was extremely late, and he was tired. His eyes fluttered shut and he ended up falling asleep with his day clothes on. When he woke up, sunlight was streaming in through the window and Omar was gone. He wondered what his roommate was up to.

Keith hadn't been able to get that kiss out of his mind. Omar seemed to have completely forgotten about it, and was acting as though everything was normal. Those soft lips on his...he wondered if Shiro kissed like that.

_Shiro is 20 years old_ he reminded himself. _It's not going to happen._ Shiro would get in all kinds of trouble if he so much as held hands with him.

There was a buzzing sound, and Keith sat up in bed. He had gotten a text. Keith grabbed his phone off of the night stand and looked at it. It was a message from Shiro.

 

_Hey! My 21_ _st_ _birthday is this weekend and I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out with me and my friend Matt? Matt's only 19, so we're not going to drink or anything. Want to come?_

 

Keith grinned. This was more than just a mentorship, it was a friendship. His heart was full and warm, and he quickly texted back.

 

_Of course I want to go!_

 

But now he had to get Shiro a present. What the hell was he supposed to get him? What would Shiro even want? He was sure that Shiro probably wasn't expecting anything, but Keith felt a strong desire to do this.

Keith jumped as the door opened, and he looked up to see Omar.

“Someone got home late,” Omar said with a smirk.

“Yeah, watching a bunch of movies back to back takes a while,” Keith said. “Nothing happened.”

“Aw, boo.” Omar said. “That's too bad.”

“But...I'm going to hang out with him for his birthday.”

“WHAT?” Omar said, eyes wide. “That's amazing!”  
“Yeah, I just have no idea what to get him,” Keith said.

“I know what you should get him,” Omar said. “You should get him tickets to see this AMAZING all girl ACDC cover band called Hell's Belles. They're coming to town next month.”

“Why an ACDC cover band?”

“You dummy, ACDC is one of his favorite bands!”

“And how do YOU know that?” Keith asked, surprised. Omar smiled.

“Trust me, I know everything about that guy. I'm friends with a few girls who are OBSESSED.”

“Okay,” Keith said. He pulled out his phone, and searched for their website. After a while, he bought the tickets and sighed.

“My dad is NOT gonna be happy that I pulled money out of my savings,” Keith said.

“Yeah, they're expensive,” Omar said. “How many did you get?”

“Two. One for him and a friend.”

“You mean for him and you?”

“Not necessarily. He knows people other than just me,” Keith said. “It's not like I'm his only friend.”

“Yeah, but I bet he'll want to go with you.”

“Maybe,” Keith said, hoping that Omar was right.

 

**NOW**

 

It wasn't as though Shiro hadn't known about Keith's crush. It had been obvious, ever since Keith was a kid. But part of him had been hoping that maybe he was wrong, maybe it wasn't true. Sure he was flattered. It was always nice to know that somebody thought of you that way. But with Keith, it was different. Shiro had never felt this bonded to someone before, and he didn't want to ruin it. And Keith felt things very strongly. Every emotion was backed by a fiery intensity. And denying him...god Shiro felt awful about that. It must be tearing Keith up inside.

But what other option did he have? There were people, people on board this ship even, that would be more suited to Keith. Shiro was a broken man in mind, soul, and body. Zarkon had destroyed him. The fun loving man that used to exist was gone now that Shiro had experienced torture, now that he had watched people die in front of him.

_Is it because you're too old for me or some bullshit?_

He WAS older, seven years older to be exact. Wasn't that too old? But Keith had been right, he was an adult now. And if Shiro wanted...

Ugh, no! He couldn't let himself think about that. He couldn't give in to that sort of fantasy. Anyway, he needed to be a strong leader, and there was no way that he could have a preference for one crew member.

_But you already do_ said a small voice in the back of his head. _You already prefer Keith to everyone else._

Shiro brought the dishes into the kitchen, and headed back to his room. He had a lot to think about.

The next few days were full of heartbreak. Keith was actively avoiding him. Every time Shiro would enter a room, Keith would get up and leave, no matter what he was doing. Maybe they needed to talk again. But what would he say? Insist that Keith be in his presence? Clearly Keith was hurting, and this was a part of his healing process. But they had a mission coming up, and Shiro hoped that Keith would be able to work with him.

 * * *

“Shiro, could I talk to you for a moment?” Allura asked, approaching Shiro. She was dressed in full armor, and had determined look in her eye.

“Of course, Princess. What's up?” Shiro asked, putting his helmet on.

“I just wanted to thank you for standing up for me back there, believing in me when I said I wished to join you, to fight.” Allura said. “I feel like people look at me and see a pretty face, a delicate princess who needs to be protected. I thank you for looking past all that and allowing me to join you.”

“Oh. You're welcome,” Shiro said. “You're just as capable as anyone, so. I don't see why you shouldn't come along.”

“I appreciate that,” Allura said. “But I do have a question for you. You're close to Keith, right?”

Shiro froze. “Yes,” he said slowly.

“He's been acting oddly as of late,” Allura said. “He does not seem himself. I am concerned that he's losing focus. Do you know what's wrong?”

“I do,” Shiro said after a few seconds. “I don't know if it's my place to tell anyone about it though.”

“I understand,” Allura said. “With whatever knowledge you have, is there anything I can do to help him?”

“I don't think so,” Shiro said sadly. “He's...upset with me. Only I can fix it.”

“So why don't you?” Allura asked confused. “Do you just not know how?”

“Look I shouldn't've even said that,” Shiro said, annoyed. “I...Keith might be like this for awhile.”

“But why?” Allura pressed. Shiro stared at Allura and then sighed. She wasn't going to give up until he gave in.

“Keith is...in love with me,” Shiro finally said. A look of delight spread across Allura's face and she clapped her hands together.

“How wonderful!” she said. “You two really are perfect for each other. But wait,” she said, face falling. “You said there was a problem, that he's mad at you. What happened?”

“I rejected him,” Shiro said, looking sad. Allura looked shocked.

“But why?”

“Because I had to,” Shiro said. “It's what's best for him. For me.”

“I don't understand,” Allura said. “If he loves you, wouldn't it be best for him to be with you?”

“Allura...”

“I'm not trying to make you change your mind. I've just never seen two people more suited to each other before. And it saddens me that you don't wish to be with him.”

There was a long silence, and Allura raised an eyebrow. “That... _is_ how you feel, isn't it?”

“I'm not sure,” Shiro finally said. “I've known Keith for four years now. We're so close. I don't want to wreck that because of a...a lovers squabble or something.”

“What's a squabble?”

“You know, like a fight.” Shiro said. “I don't want to risk everything we have. I just want things to stay the same.”

“You are denying yourself happiness because you are afraid. Sometimes, you have to let go of that,” Allura said, putting a hand on Shiro's shoulder. “Give in to your feelings.”

Shiro flushed. “I told him I don't feel the same way.”

“Why ever would you say that?” Allura said, shocked.

“Because I don't!”

“Yes you do,” Allura said with a frown. “I see how you look at him. Be true to yourself, true to your heart. If you look deep within yourself, you will find the real answer to the question of if you love him or not.”

Shiro turned away. “I think I'm done talking about this.”

“Well, if you wish to talk about it further, my ears are always open.”

“Of course.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**THEN**

“So what's the plan?” Keith asked, as he hopped into Shiro's car. Shiro had just introduced him to one of his dearest friends, Matt Holt, and now they were ready to celebrate Shiro's birthday.

“There's actually this great club,” Matt said, getting into the front seat, “that people under 21 can go to. I thought we could go there, and then out to dinner.”

“A club?” Keith asked.

“Keith might be a little young for a night club, Matt,” Shiro said, starting up the car.

“Trust me, plenty of people his age go to these things,” Matt said. “And we'll keep a close eye on him, make sure nothing happens.”

“Well...we can try it out,” Shiro said. “Why not?”

Keith gulped. Night clubs meant loud music and dancing. Keith was not a good dancer. And what if someone wanted to dance with him? He didn't know if he could handle that. But he didn't want to look like a coward in front of Shiro and Matt, so he nodded his head.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said.

Shiro and Matt laughed and joked the whole ride there, but Keith stayed pretty quiet. His mind was fixated on everything that could possibly go wrong.

“Everything okay?” Shiro asked as they got out of the car. The club was called Cee-Cee's and he suddenly realized that he'd heard of other people talking about this place before.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” Keith said. “I've just never been out dancing before.”

“We can always go do something else,” Matt said reassuringly.

“No, no it's fine!” Keith said. “I'll be fine.”

They entered Cee-Cee's, and Keith was overwhelmed by how loud it was. He was frozen to the spot, but neither Matt nor Shiro seemed to notice. Keith walked with them, body stiff. How was he going to do this? He spotted a bar with a chair, and made a bee line for it.

“You don't want to dance?” Shiro asked.

“Maybe in a minute,” Keith said. He ordered a soda, and sipped on it, watching the dancers. Everyone was loose, fluid and happy looking. Why couldn't he be like that? He watched the dancers for a while, and then his eyes found Shiro. Keith almost dropped his glass.

Matt and Shiro were dancing together. But not like friends. They were close together, looking into each other's eyes with grins on their faces. Shit! He needed to do something about this.

Filled with a new energy spurred by jealousy, he walked over towards them.

“Can I dance with you Shiro?” he asked. Shiro and Matt exchanged glances, and Matt smiled.

“Come on Shiro, go for it!”

Shiro laughed, and reached out a hand. Keith took it, and suddenly was being dipped by Shiro. The way the two of them danced was nothing like how Matt had danced with him. The dance between Matt and Shiro had been slow, sensual. But with Keith? It was fast paced and fun, and clearly a dance between friends.

Finally they left, and went out for dinner. Keith almost wished he wasn't here. The energy between the two men was something that Keith would never have with Shiro. The glances they gave each other, the way they laughed at each other's jokes...

“Are you okay Keith?” Matt asked.

“I'm just tired,” Keith said, picking at his food. “It's late.”

“That's true,” Shiro said. “Maybe we should take you home.”

“Yeah,” Keith said. “That might be for the best.”

“Are you sure you're okay?” Matt asked.

“I said I'm just tired!” Keith said angrily.

“Okay, okay,” Matt said, putting up his hands in surrender. “Let's just get you back home.”

The ride home was uneventful. Everyone was quiet, and Keith had a feeling that he had ruined the night by shouting at Matt. But there was something between those two, something that Keith didn't like.

But how could he expect Shiro to stay single? Shiro was the hottest guy on campus, plenty of people had noticed that. He had has pick of anyone he wanted. And clearly, he wanted Matt.

_Why would he want you? You're only 14_.

But even though that was true, Keith couldn't help but feel heartbroken.

 

**NOW**

“Let me start a fire.”

Shiro nodded, and watched Keith gather some stones. This whole thing...it was all his fault. It was his fault Keith was stranded in this waste land, his fault that Allura had been taken, his fault that everyone had been blasted to who knows where. And now? He was dying from a magical gash in his side. But he deserved it.

“Keith...”

“What?” Keith asked, managing to get a fire going.

“I just...I'm dying. And I need to--”

“Shut up, no you aren't.” Keith said, voice hard. Shiro laughed, which led to a huge coughing fit.

“Keith, if the ship doesn't come soon--”

“Which it will.”

“--I won't survive. So I need to talk to you.”

Keith gave him a side eye and turned away. “I know what you want to talk about,” Keith said. “I'm not ready for that.”

“Keith, we need to talk about it.”

“What if I don't want to?”

“Then I'll die unhappy.”

“SHIRO!” Keith said angrily. “That's not fair.”

“Well it's the truth,” Shiro said. “I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Keith said, playing with the dirt.

“I lied.”

Keith frowned, but didn't look at Shiro, and didn't ask for further explanation.

“Well, I didn't lie exactly. I just wasn't telling the whole truth. Look I...I love you Keith. You're the most important person in the known universe to me, but I...it wouldn't make sense for us to be together. I'm the team leader.”

“Whatever,” Keith mumbled.

“But since...I might not make it...I want to ask you a favor.”

“What?” Keith spat.

“Can you kiss me?”

Keith's eyes went wide, and he slowly turned to face Shiro. “Excuse me?”

“Before I die, I want...I want to kiss you,” Shiro said. “Please?”

Keith gulped. “Shiro...you're not gonna die. And if I kiss you, this'll just...it'll fuck everything up once we get back on the ship.”

“Keith...”

Keith looked at him with searching eyes and bit his lip. “This is your last request?”

“It is.”

Keith moved close to Shiro and cupped his face with a hand. “I've wanted this for so long,” he said, voice full of emotion.

“I know you have,” Shiro said. Keith moved closer, and gently, their lips touched. Pleasure shot through Shiro and his eyes fluttered shut. Keith's lips were softer than he'd imagined, the kiss much gentler than he thought it would be. Shiro gently returned the pressure, wanting it to last forever.

Slowly Keith pulled away, and sat back, a slight blush to his cheeks.

“Thank you,” Shiro said.

“No problem,” Keith said softly. He glanced at Shiro, and then put his head on Shiro's shoulder. Shiro chuckled and put his arm around Keith, pulling him close.

“Keith?”

“What?”

“I feel...cold.”

“Eyes open Shiro,” Keith said, sounding panicked. “Keep talking to me, don't stop.”

“After I die, I want you to lead Voltron. You're the only I trust to do it.”

“It won't come to that Shiro. You're going to live,” Keith said, voice quavering. “Don't worry.”

“But if I do--”

There was a sudden flash of light, and the two looked up to see the green lion and the Castle of Lions approaching them.

“I told you,” Keith said. “You're gonna be fine.”

* * *

Shiro's eyes fluttered open, and he found himself in the hospital wing, completely healed, and all of his friends surrounding him.

“I TOLD you,” Keith said with a laugh from the back of the crowd.

“You did,” Shiro said as everyone moved forwards to hug him. Keith stood a few paces back, and Shiro's face fell. Was Keith going to keep avoiding him? Maybe it had been the wrong choice, asking for that kiss. But in the moment it had seemed so right. He had been so desperate, and needed to feel something good before he died.

“I think...I think I need a shower,” Shiro said, shaking his head. “A shower and then a long sleep.”

“A shower is always good,” Lance said. “But a bath is better. I have this great bath bomb that you can use if you want. Really relaxing. Also some bath salts if you want.”

“Thanks Lance, but showers always clear my head. And that's what I need. Maybe some other time.”

Shiro walked into the bathroom, and stripped. He looked into the mirror and grimaced. He had a few deep scars on his body that he thought looked awful. Shiro quickly walked away from the mirror and turned on the water. He stepped in and let the water cascade down over him, enjoying the feeling.

And then, for no reason that he could tell, the thought of Keith kissing him entered his mind. Those beautiful full lips, pressed up against his. What if...what if their mouths had parted? What if Keith's tongue had slipped into his mouth and...

Shiro placed a hand on the wall in front of him and began to stroke his cock, imagining Keith hopping into his lap, imagined Keith pulling his pants off, sliding down onto Shiro's hard cock.

“Keith,” he moaned, stroking faster. “Oh god, oh fuck KEITH!” he practically shouted, hot ropes of cum shooting out of him and onto the wall in front of him. He bent his head, panting hard. God that had been good.

He cleaned the wall, turned off the water, and then froze. He heard something that sounded a lot like footsteps walking away from the bathroom door. Had someone heard him? And if so, who?

Shiro wrapped a towel around his waist and nervously walked out of the bathroom. He looked around, but didn't see anyone. Maybe it had just been his imagination. He hurried to his room, and closed the door with a sigh. Shiro made a mental note to be quieter the next time he had some...personal time in the shower.

He yawned, ready for bed. As he put his pajamas on, he felt his stomach rumble. Ah. He should probably get some food first. Maybe Hunk was making something in the kitchen. Shiro walked out of his room, and headed towards the kitchen. Instead of finding Hunk, he found Keith, looking in the pantry.

“Keith,” Shiro said. Keith jumped and turned.

“Oh, hey Shiro,” he said. “I thought you were going to sleep.”

“I thought so too,” Shiro said. “But I'm feeling hungry.”

“Yeah me too,” Keith said. There was a long pause.

“Are we both thinking about what happened when we were stranded or is it just me?” Shiro finally said.

“I...yeah, maybe,” Keith said. “But you were right.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro asked.

“You're the team leader. You can't be with me. Being with me would mean that you'd be putting me over the others, and we can't let that happen.”

Shiro stared at Keith and then strode forwards. He grabbed Keith by the lapels, startling him.

“Shiro, what are you—mmph!”

Their lips were pressed firmly together, and they broke away after a few seconds.

“I already put you first,” Shiro said, staring into Keith's eyes. “I was just trying to come up with excuses for why we couldn't be together.”

“Why?” Keith asked.

“Because I want you to have the perfect partner,” Shiro said quietly.

“You ARE my perfect partner,” Keith said, and gave him a swift kiss.

“Are you sure?” Shiro asked breathlessly.

“Uh huh,” Keith said.

“Then get over here,” Shiro said. He pushed Keith up against a wall and kissed him deeply. Shiro wanted to be close to him, as close as he possibly could. He hitched up one of Keith's legs and wrapped it around his waist. Their bodies rubbed against each other, Keith wrapping his arms around Shiro's neck as they kissed.

Keith worked Shiro's mouth open with his own, their tongues sliding slickly against each other. Both had forgotten where they were, focused only on the other. Shiro could feel Keith getting hard up against him, and reached his metal hand down. He cupped him, and then, suddenly, it began to vibrate. Keith yelped in surprise, and Shiro moved his hand.

“What was that?”

“I have no idea,” Shiro said. “Um, sorry?”

“Don't be sorry,” Keith said, eyes half closed. “It felt great.”

Their lips met again, and suddenly, there was the sound of someone's throat clearing.

“You know, there's a kid aboard this ship. You know that right?”

The two snapped their heads around to see Hunk, standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

“Uh...” Keith said eloquently, putting his leg down and letting go of Shiro.

“Pidge could've walked in on this! She's only 14! Do you how traumatizing that would be? Because I'm traumatized, honestly. Why here?”

“Oh, I was hungry,” Shiro said. “I wanted to get a snack.”

“A snack. Well looks like you found one. How about you take it back to your room to eat it?” Hunk said.

Keith and Shiro blushed. “That sounds like a good idea,” Shiro finally said. “Keith?”

“Yeah, I...I'll go with you,” he said. Hunk rolled his eyes.

“I better not catch you two again, because that was nasty. Kissing like that? In MY kitchen? I'm going to have to sanitize the place,” he said shaking his head.

Shiro took Keith's hand. “Come on,” he said, “Let's go.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**THEN**

 

“You've got it bad for this guy,” Omar said, loading some books into his backpack. “You're jealous over another guy?”

“I'm not jealous, I just don't think they're right for each other,” Keith said, throwing some pencils into his backpack.

Omar looked at him skeptically. “You JUST met this...what'd you say his name was? Matt? How do you know they're not right for each other?”

“I just...I have a feeling.”

“Keith,” Omar said with a sigh, pushing his hair out of his face. “Shiro is 21. It's not gonna happen. I mean, I like fantasizing about fucking him just as much as the next guy, but I'm not like, serious about it. You need to calm down.”

“Whatever,” Keith said, pushing past Omar angrily. “I'll see you tonight.”

Deep down, Keith knew that Omar was right. He couldn't, he wouldn't, ever be with Shiro. It was stupid for him to pine over an adult.

He entered his homeroom classroom and sat down, already in a bad mood.

“Good morning class,” his teacher said. “As you know, in your freshman year, you get to explore all sorts of different avenues. You can take classes in mechanics, flight, technology, you name it. But now is the time to start thinking about what you'd like to do your sophomore year. You don't need to choose right away, but it's important to start focusing on those classes, and doing well in them. Your upperclass teachers will only take the best, and you might have to choose something different than your first choice if your grades are not high enough.”

Keith was put into a group with a bunch of pilots. Keith was silent as they all spoke together, chatting happily. Finally, one member of the group turned to him.

“What's up with you?” he asked. “You're acting so unapproachable.”

“Then why are you approaching me?” Keith snapped.

“Look, I'm just saying, you should make some friends. I'm Lance.”

“Fabulous.”

“You're supposed to say your name.”

“Keith.”

“Well I'd like to say nice to meet you,” Lance said, “But I'd be lying.”

“The feeling's mutual,” Keith said angrily. Who the fuck did this guy think he was, talking to him like that?

“So what kind of pilot do you want to be?” asked a pretty girl sitting next to him.

“Fighter,” Keith said.

“Oh like you'd be able to be a fighter pilot,” Lance said, rolling his eyes. “You have to be cool under pressure. You seem like a hot head who can't focus.”

“Can you just shut up for three seconds?” Keith said, glaring at Lance.

“I uh...I want to be a fighter pilot too,” the girl said awkwardly. “My mom was a fighter pilot too, and I want to follow in her footsteps.”

“What a wonderful goal for a wonderful girl,” Lance said, his voice changing. It was weirdly sensual, and the girl looked uncomfortable.

“Don't talk to her like that,” Keith said, eyes narrowing.

“What does that mean?” Lance said, frustrated.

“It means, don't talk to her like that. She doesn't like it.”

“How do you know that?”

“I'm gonna go get some water,” the girl said, standing up.

“See you scared her away! Way to go Keith.”

After class, the girl walked up to Keith.

“Hey,” she said nervously. “I just wanted to say thanks for sticking up for me back there. Lance...does that kind of stuff a lot and usually nobody says anything. It was brave of you.”

“It wasn't brave, I was just doing the right thing,” Keith said. “But whatever. You're welcome I guess.”

“I'm Sarah,” she said.

“Okay,” Keith said. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Keith saw Lance a few times in the hallway that day, and each time, Lance glared at him. One time, he even stuck his tongue out at him.

“Sorry about that!” his hulking friend called out as Keith stormed by. Keith held up his middle finger and kept walking. Did everything have to be so hard?

 

 

**NOW**

 

The two men hurried down the hallway, and practically run into Shiro's room. Shiro shut and locked the door, and then pulled Keith into a kiss.

“Where were we again?” Keith murmured against Shiro's lips, as he finds himself being backed up against a wall. Shiro grabbed Keith's leg and hitched it up so that it was once more around his waist.

“Right about here,” Shiro said, making sure their hips were flush together. Keith wrapped his arms around Shiro, kissing him passionately. This, this right here was what he had wanted ever since he was 14 years old. Shiro's lips on his, Shiro's hips grinding against his.

Their lips parted easily, tongues gliding smoothly against each other. One of Keith's hands reached up and tried to grip at Shiro's hair, while the other snaked its way down his shoulders, fingers desperately scrabbling at his back.

Keith could feel every inch of Shiro against him. His lips, his tongue, his hands, his _cock._ Both of their cocks were straining against their zippers, begging to be let free. And Shiro was grinding against him, thrusting as though he was attempting to fuck Keith through his pants. God did Keith wish that he could.

But at the same time, Keith found that worry was bubbling up inside of him. Sure they were just kissing now, but this was no ordinary make out session. The sweet sensuality was falling away and turning into something different, something that made Keith feel like his whole body had been set on fire. And he was sure Shiro felt the same way.

Shiro's mouth moved to downwards, and a low moan was pulled out of Keith as Shiro licked a stripe along the side of his neck. Gentle kisses were placed, and then Keith could feel him sucking a mark onto him. He was marking him as his own, or at least, that's how it felt.

The worry intensified as Shiro moved down to place kisses on the exposed bit of Keith's chest. He knew where this was headed, he wasn't an idiot. But the thing was, Keith had never had sex before. And he had no idea what Shiro was expecting to have happen.

“Keith?” Shiro asked, nipping at an earlobe.

“Y-yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

Keith bit his lower lip. “I...yeah.”

“Keith,” Shiro says, pulling away. “We don't have to continue. We can stop if you don't want it.”

“No!” Keith says in the most humiliating tone. He sounds so desperate, so needy, and it came out in a horrible whine. Shiro gently kissed his nose.

“Any time you want to stop, just tell me.”

“I don't want you to ever stop,” Keith said. Shiro smiled sweetly at him, and then suddenly, pulled him away from the wall and scooped him up into his arms.

“What're you doing?”

“Taking you to the bed.”

Keith had nothing to say to that. Going to the bed meant that they were going to have sex. Oh god...he'd dreamed of it before, hell, he'd jacked off to the idea of Shiro fucking him plenty of times. But now that it was going to happen...he felt like his brain had turned off.

Shiro deposited him onto the bed and then crawled over top of him. The two smiled at each other, Keith's plush lower lip disappearing into his mouth. Keith brought his hand up and stroked Shiro's face.

“Do you know how long I've been dreaming about you being on top of me?” Keith asked.

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Shiro said, putting a hand over Keith's. He squeezed it, and then pulled it away from his face. Shiro began kissing each individual finger, making Keith laugh.

“What are you doing Shiro?” Keith laughed. Shiro didn't respond, and instead began to suck gently on two of his fingers. Keith stared, fascinated. Shiro closes his eyes, and gently encourages Keith to move his fingers in and out, and Keith responds. He moves his fingers in and out of Shiro's warm mouth, slowly starting to pant. It was so reminiscent of...of...

A needy whine escapes Keith as he watches, and Shiro's eyes flicker open. He pulls off, and gently kisses Keith. Keith responded enthusiastically, but Shiro doesn't stay on his lips for long. Slowly, he moved downwards, kissing at his neck once more. His hands flew to the hem of Keith's shirt and gently began to pull it off.

Keith had been shirtless in front of Shiro before, this isn't new. But Keith suddenly felt scrawny and unattractive.

“God you're gorgeous,” Shiro panted. Keith's eyes went wide.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Shiro said. He bent his head down, rolling his tongue over a nipple. Keith gasped, back arching slightly. Slowly, Shiro licks at the other one before moving to the center of his chest, kissing his way down. His hands lightly stroke Keith's sides as he moves lower, stopping at the top of Keith's pants.

“You know...back in the kitchen, Hunk said something about how I found a snack for myself,” Shiro said, unbuttoning Keith's pants.

“Wh-yeah, I know,” Keith said, sitting up on his elbows.

“He said I should take that snack to my room,” Shiro said, freeing Keith's hard cock, “And eat it.”

“Why are you bringing this u-u-UP!” he shouts, head falling back as Shiro takes him down his throat. Keith knows he's being loud, he does. But he can't help but moan and shout and Shiro bobs his head up and down.

“Shiro...oh God...Shiro!” Keith pants. Pleasure is building up faster than it ever has. The hot, wet, cavern of Shiro's mouth feels incredible.

Shiro pops off, and their eyes meet. “Call me Takashi,” Shiro says.

“You want me to call you Takashi?”

Shiro nods, and engulfs the head of Keith's cock in his mouth, sucking hard.

“FUCK! Sh—Takashi! TAKASHI!”

He cums hard inside Shiro's mouth, and Shiro sucks it down, as though he's done it a million times. In all honesty, Keith wouldn't be surprised if he had.

Keith's head fell back, and his eyes closed. He felt Shiro sit up, and he opened his eyes to the best sight he'd ever seen.

Shiro had quickly unbuttoned his fly, and his cock was out. It was thick and long, and Keith could feel his cock twitch at the sight.

“Holy shit Shiro,” Keith said, sitting up a bit.

“No, no,” Shiro said. “Lie back down.” He pushed Keith down and crawled on top of him. Shiro reached a hand down and squeezed their lengths together. And then it happened. His hand started to vibrate again.

Keith let out a wail, completely overstimulated. Shiro jerked his hand away, and the vibrating stopped.

“I don't know why it's doing this!” Shiro said. “It's never...It's never vibrated like that before.”

“Iz warm,” Keith slurred. “Feels good.”

“Wait...I think it...I think it knows,” Shiro said shocked, running a vibrating finger down Keith's cock. “It's trying to help.”

“Help what?” Keith panted.

“Help get us off.”

Keith laughed. “Your ARM knows that we're...you know. How?”

“I'm not sure.” Shiro closed his eyes, and just his hand began to vibrate. “I can control it,” he said softly. Then he grinned. Shiro bent down and kissed Keith hard. He took them both into his hand and stroked extremely slowly.

“Now vibrate,” he murmured against Keith's lips. Shiro's eyes rolled back as his hand began to vibrate, and Keith began chanting his name. He began to move his hand a bit faster, and Keith cringed.

“What's wrong?” Shiro asked.

“You're chafing me.”

Shiro spat into his metal hand and began stroking them again. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than nothing.

“Keith...Keith, cum for me again,” Shiro panted, looking at Keith's face. “You look so hot when you cum, let me see it again.”

Shiro's hand began vibrating harder, and they both came at the same time, practically screaming. Shiro was sure that the crew was going to have words with him in the morning, but at this moment, he didn't care. All that mattered was Keith.

“I love you Shiro,” Keith murmured, eyes closing.

“I love you too.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**THEN**

 

Omar and Keith were both studying in the library, trying to figure out their math homework. Keith was working on his Geometry work, while Omar was working on his Algebra.

“I hate that we need math to see the stars,” Keith grumbled. “Do I really need this to be a pilot?” Omar chuckled.

“Probably,” he said. “But even if you don't, it's important to know.”

“I guess,” Keith said. “I just hate it.”

“Does anyone really like it?” Omar asked.

“Probably,” Keith said. “I wish I was one of those people. That would make this so much easier.”

They kept working, but Keith had the strangest feeling that Omar was staring at him the whole time. He had no idea why that would be happening, but it made him feel slightly embarrassed, yet pleased.

“Want to sit with me at dinner tonight?” Omar asked when they finally closed their books. “I feel like we haven't done that in months. You've...you've been sitting with Shiro every night.”

“Oh uh. Well yeah,” Keith said, putting his homework in his bag. “I was gonna sit with him tonight, but if you want to come with us...?”

For some reason, Omar looked irritated. “I was kind of thinking you and I could just hang out. You guys are together _every night_.”

“I guess that's true,” Keith said awkwardly, standing up. “I guess we could hang out just you and me. I'll let him know.”

Omar relaxed considerably. “You can't build your life around this guy,” he said. “He's just your Ship Mate. You gotta have real friends too.”

“I thought you WERE my real friend,” Keith said as they left the library.

“You gotta hang out with your friends to keep it alive,” Omar said. “That's why I want to have dinner with you.”

When they got back to the dorms, they quickly put their stuff away and headed down to the dining area.

“Wonder what we're having today?” Keith asked.

“Little bit of everything probably, just like always.”

The Garrison always tried to put out one or two non-American dishes to appeal to the abroad students. A couple of times there had been food from Omar's country, and every time he would try it and dislike it.

“Mexican food this time,” Omar said, looking at the enchiladas before them.

“Nice,” Keith said. “This is what I grew up on.”

“Really?” Omar asked as they loaded up their plates.

“Yeah,” Keith said. “I'm from El Paso, which is right on the border between Texas and Mexico. Lotta Mexican food served. Well,” he said, as they sat down, “Texas kinda took Mexican food and said “Nah, we're doing this with it,” and made Tex-Mex, so I dunno how much authentic Mexican food I've had.”

“From what I've heard, Texas does what Texas wants, and doesn't care what anyone thinks,” Omar said, cutting into his food. Keith laughed.

“You heard right,” he said. “Texas is pretty much it's own country. If I heard that they were succeeding, I wouldn't be surprised.”

“Do you like Texas?” Omar asked. Keith cocked his head to the side and thought about it.

“Eh,” he said. “It's hot and humid and really conservative which my family isn't. Or my dad isn't at least,” Keith said a bit sadly.

“Just your dad?” Omar pressed.

“I don't know about my mom. She abandoned me as a baby because clearly something else was more important to her than her goddamn family,” Keith said, stabbing a bite of food a little too hard.

“Oh. I'm sorry I asked, I didn't know.” Omar said softly.

“It's fine,” Keith said. “Don't worry about it. But yeah, hate the humidity.”

“Is it always humid?” Omar asked.

“No, but when it is, it feels like you're carrying a backpack full of bricks around while someone sprays you in the face with warm water.”

Omar laughs. “Sounds like the UAE,” he said.

“That's where you're from, right?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, I'm from Dubai,” Omar said, “And it is muggy! I like the dry heat of Arizona,” he said, “Though I do miss home.”

“I get that,” Keith said. “I miss my dad. We're close.”

Omar nodded. They finished up their dinner, and headed back towards their dorm, chatting about home, and how they wished they could visit sooner than spring break.

“So, I was thinking about what you said the other day,” Keith said, rooting around a drawer for his pajamas. “You're right. Pining over Shiro is dumb.”

“I'm glad you think so,” Omar said, changing shirts. “I don't think he'd be happy to know that a freshman was into him.”

“You're into him.”

“I'm not a freshman.”

Keith scoffed. “You're a sophomore, that's barely any different.”

Omar shrugged. “I guess.” Then he turned to Keith. “You know, you're right. You're 14, I'm 15. That's not that big of a difference.”

“No not really,” Keith said, pulling on his pajama top. Omar approached him, and Keith gave him an odd look.

“What's up?” he asked, as Omar drew closer.

“When I kissed you before, how did that make you feel?”

Keith blinked. “What?” He hadn't expected this sudden change of topics, especially not to this.

“How did it make you feel?”

“Um. Good? I guess? Why?”

“Do you want to feel that again?”

Keith stared at Omar and made a choking noise. “We...we can't Omar. What if...what if someone catches us?”

“The door is locked, and there's no cameras in the rooms. Nobody has to know.”

“You want to kiss me.” Keith confirmed. It was a statement, not a question. Omar nodded.

“You're gorgeous Keith. And when I kissed you, god I wanted to kiss you again.”

“I wanted to kiss you again too,” Keith admitted.

“Really? You weren't thinking about Shiro when we kissed?” Omar asked skeptically. Keith blushed hard.

“Why would I have been thinking about Shiro?” he asked.

“Because you like him!”

“I wasn't thinking about Shiro,” Keith promised. “I really was just thinking about you.”

Omar took Keith's hand.

“Want to do it again?” he asked.

Keith couldn't lie, he DID want to do it again. But the idea of kissing Omar again brought a thousand questions to mind, namely, what would that make them?

“As a friend?” Keith asked.

Omar burst out into a fit of laughter, causing Keith to feel annoyed.

“What?” he asked. “I want to know what you want us to be!”

“Do you want to kiss me as just a friend?” Omar asked. “Or something more.”

“Something more,” Keith said softly. Omar's eyes seemed to sparkle at this, and a smile played on his lips.

“Me too.”

 

 

**NOW**

 

“I have made for everyone an Earth delight known as coffee,” Hunk said, entering the dining room with a carafe and several mugs. He set down the carafe and handed out the mugs, a smile on his face.

“Now, it's not exactly the same,” he said. “I couldn't find actual coffee beans, but on our last stop, I found something similar, and boy does this taste good!”

“Thanks Hunk!” Lance said, sounding excited. “I've missed coffee! Hey Keith!” he shouted, as Keith entered the room. “Hunk made some—WHAT is THAT?”

Keith whipped around, but saw nothing. “What're you talking about?” he asked, confused.

“Not over there, on your neck!”

The atmosphere of the room changed, and the crew turned to stare at Keith who looked as though he'd just seen a ghost.

“Nothing!” Keith said, clapping a hand over the mark on his neck.

“No don't you “nothing” me!” Lance said, shaking his head. “I know a hickey when I see one! Where'd you get it? Who gave that to you? Hunk? Was it you?”

“What? No!” Hunk and Keith said nearly at the same time.

“Well then who did?”

“It's none of your business,” Keith said, hand still on his neck. He had just come from an early morning training session, and wasn't wearing his jacket that would've covered the mark.

“Shiro,” Lance said, turning to face the head of the table, “Tell Keith that he needs to tell me. I mean us.”

“It uh. It's Keith's personal business and I uh well. I think that if Keith wants to keep it private it should remain private.” Shiro said, not making eye contact.

“Just tell them,” Hunk said, rolling his eyes. “It'll make things easier for everyone.”

“Wait do you know who did it?” Lance asked, turning to Hunk, eyes wide.

“I'm done talking about this,” Keith said, sitting down next to Shiro and pouring himself some coffee. “End of discussion.”

“You know, he's just going to keep pestering you until you say something,” Pidge said, taking a sip of heavily creamed coffee. “You might as well just say something.”

“NO!” Keith said. “I don't even think that the other person wants me to--”

Shiro placed a hand over Keith's and gave him a look. Keith breathed out hard through his nose.

“Fine, you wanna know so bad? Shiro gave me the mark.”

“You're lying,” Lance said as Allura gasped. “No way.”

“Are you guys together?” Allura asked, sounding excited.

“Yes,” Shiro said, and Keith looked at him.

“Really?”

“If you want.”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, so you really did?” Lance asked, shocked. “You like...you're...you know...”

“I'm gay,” Shiro said, nodding.

“Huh. And out of everyone on this ship, you pick KEITH?”

Keith gripped his coffee mug tight, glaring at a mark on the table as if it had done him a personal wrong.

“I mean, it'd make sense if you'd picked, like, me, for instance. I'm the handsomest guy on this ship!”

“No, you're just the most annoying,” Keith said through gritted teeth.

“See? Comments like that are exactly why I don't get why Shiro picked you. He has pick of literally anyone and he picks a weirdo hot head like you?” Lance said, shaking his head. Keith stood up abruptly, his mug spilling everywhere.

“Fuck you Lance,” he said, voice shaking with anger. Hunk's eyebrows shot up, and Pidge choked on her coffee.

“Hey, uh, _language,_ ” Lance said. “We have 14 year old in our presence.”

“Don't treat me like a baby!” Pidge said, as Keith whipped around and left the room. “Do you really think I've never heard people swear in school before?”

“Yeah, but we've gotta be a good example for you,” Hunk said.

“I think I'd better go check on him,” Shiro said softly. “I'll be right back.”

Shiro stood up, and began exploring the ship, trying to find Keith. At last he found him on the training deck, furiously battling a drone.

“Hey Keith!” Shiro said, entering the room.

“End training sequence,” Keith panted, and looked over at Shiro. “Hey.”

“You really blew up back there,” Shiro said, walking over to Keith. “What was that about?”

There was a silence, and Keith stared at the ground. Shiro frowned.

“Keith?”

“Lance was right,” Keith finally said, with a heavy sigh. “I'm not good enough for you. Not even close.”

“Lance was just being Lance,” Shiro said, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder. “Don't take it to heart.”

“Then can I ask you something?” Keith asked, looking into Shiro's eyes. “Why, out of everyone in the multiverse, did you pick me?”

“That's a good question,” Shiro said, cupping Keith's cheek. “How is it that you went from being a young kid that I was mentoring to the man who took over my whole world?”

“I...I dunno,” Keith said awkwardly.

“Love works just like our lions do,” Shiro said. “You can't force it. The heart chooses who the heart chooses. And my heart? It chose you. I don't care if people say you're a hot head. You're MY hot head. And that's all that matters.”

Keith rose up on his tip toes and kissed Shiro. Shiro returned the pressure, and soon, the gentle sounds of lips on lips filled the room. It was swiftly broken by somebody clearing their throat.

“Can I get a separation between church and state here?” Lance asked, rolling his eyes. “Kinda wanted to talk to Keith.”

“Whatever you have to say, Shiro can hear too,” Keith said, breaking away from Shiro.

“Fine,” Lance said, looking annoyed. “I just wanted to say sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude--”

“But sometimes it happens on accident, and you should instead keep those thoughts to yourself and remain silent,” Shiro said wisely. Lance looked abashed, and Keith had to keep from laughing.

“I was trying to be funny,” Lance mumbled. “I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

“So who made you come say all this?” Keith said.

“I came on my own!” Lance said unconvincingly. Keith raised an eyebrow.

“Okay fine, Allura asked me to.” Lance grumbled.

“Well, thanks I guess,” Keith said. “Even if what you said was probably scripted.”

“Ha ha. Are you going to come back and hang out with the group or keep making out?” Lance asked. “Allura is singing weird Altean nursery rhymes that she wants to sing to your children.”

Shiro and Keith's eyes went wide.

“Excuse me?” Keith said. “Our CHILDREN? Why does she think we're having kids?”

“I dunno man, but she's convinced,” Lance said. “Maybe you can get her to stop.”

The three of them headed into the dining room to hear Pidge and Allura arguing over a song.

“It goes 'merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.'” Pidge said.

“No, it's 'if you see a Klamuirl don't forget to scream, ahh!'”

“See?” Lance said. “Weird nursery rhymes.”

“They aren't weird!” Allura said defensively. “Yours are weird. A cheery song about dying of a disease? That's odd to me.”

“So why we singing nursery rhymes?” Shiro asked with a slight smile.

“Because Allura has planned out your whole wedding and the nursery for your future kids,” Hunk said, taking a bite of something that looked like a pancake.

“Allura, we just started dating,” Keith said. “We're not there yet.”

“But you will be!” Allura said, clasping her hands together. “I just know it!”

“The wedding she planned out is pretty cool actually,” Hunk said. “And I get to cater!”

Keith put a hand over his eyes and Shiro laughed.

“Settle down you guys, we'll see what happens.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment if you're enjoying the series or message me at subwaystanwich on tumblr!

**THEN**

 

The rest of Keith's freshman year couldn't have been better. Shiro guided him through his classes, and when he got back to his room after a hard day, he could always count on Omar to be there for him. Omar seemed to genuinely love and respect him, and Keith found that his feelings for his roommate were slowly deepening.

Keith felt bad about not coming out to Shiro, but he was incredibly nervous. He was pretty sure Shiro would be fine with it, but he had that nagging suspicion that he wouldn't be.

“Just come out to him already,” Omar said one night. “It'll be fine.”

“But what if it's not?” Keith asked.

“Then he's not a real friend. Look, the Hell's Belles concert is coming up next month. Why don't you just tell him there?”

The night of Shiro's birthday party all those months ago, Keith had forgotten to give him his present since he was so wrapped up in his anger towards Matt. He had given them to Shiro a few weeks later, who was absolutely thrilled to receive them.

“Sorry they're late,” Keith mumbled.

“Don't worry!” Shiro said happily. “Do you want to come with me?”

Keith's whole face lit up. “Yeah! If you want.”

“Of course! So you like ACDC?” Shiro asked.

“Oh uh, yeah!” Keith said. Shiro beamed at him.

“That's so awesome! I can't wait until June.”

The next few months were spent with Keith looking up ACDC songs and trying to familiarize himself with the band in case Shiro asked him any questions. Omar had rolled his eyes at him.

“You could just tell him you found out through a friend.”

“Omar that would be creepy. 'Oh someone I know knows your music preferences.' Wouldn't that weird you out?”

“Eh.”

The first week of June rolled around and all Keith could think about was the concert.

“What do I wear?” Keith asked nervously.

“Just wear what you normally wear,” Omar said. “It's not like you're going on a date or anything.”

“Yeah, but I don't want to look out of place.”

“Since when do you care about that sort of thing?” Omar said moodily. Keith looked over at him.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I'm fine.”

“Well okay,” Keith said, not entirely believing him. But he couldn't come up with a reason for why Omar would be upset. All he wanted to do was look nice for the concert.

_And for Shiro_

No! Looking nice for Shiro was not something he was trying to do. Why would he care what Shiro thought about his appearance. No, he wanted to look his best for the concert and fit in. Wouldn't anyone want that?

The night of the concert finally rolled around, and Keith picked out his favorite leather jacket, an ACDC band shirt that he'd found in a thrift store, and some black jeans. He found some combat boots and pulled those on.

“How do I look?” he asked Omar.

“Hot,” Omar said honestly. “But I think everyone will be dressed...you know, normally.”

“Are you trying to get me to change?”

“Maybe I'm a little jealous that other people are gonna see my hot ass boyfriend dressed up like this,” Omar said, putting his hands on Keith's hips. “But you know what? You should be able to go out looking like a million bucks whenever you want. So go have a good time, okay babe?”

“Okay,” Keith said with a lopsided grin. “I'll get you something there.”

“Oh no, don't do that,” Omar said with a laugh. “Band merch is crazy expensive. Just go have fun okay?”

“Okay,” Keith said.

Keith went and met Shiro in the commons, and almost fainted when he saw him. Shiro was wearing the tightest black t-shirt Keith had ever seen in his life, and jeans that hugged his ass in a way that--

No.

He was dating Omar. He shouldn't be looking at Shiro like that, shouldn't admiring his biceps and pecs and—UGH! It was impossible not to notice him! Keith shook his head, trying to physically get rid of the thoughts. Quickly, he approached Shiro, and called out his name. Shiro turned and smiled at Keith.

“You look nice,” Shiro said politely, causing Keith's heart to soar.

“Thanks, you too,” Keith said.

“You ready to go?” Shiro asked. Keith nodded, and the headed outside to Shiro's car.

“Your freshman year is ending in a couple weeks, isn't it?” Shiro asked as Keith got into the car.

“Oh, yeah.” Keith said. “It seems like it went by really fast.”

“It does,” Shiro said. “I'm gonna miss being your Ship Mate.”

Keith's heart suddenly dropped. That's right. Once he entered his sophomore year, Shiro would no longer be there to talk with, to go to for advice. Shiro would have someone else who he'd be taking out to see movies, to get dinner.

“I'm gonna miss you too,” Keith said quietly.

“That doesn't mean you can't still come to me,” Shiro said. “I just won't be as...readily available. But I hope our relationship doesn't change.”

Keith looked at Shiro with wide eyes. “You still want to be friends?”

Shiro smiled. “I enjoy your company,” he said. “I wouldn't mind still hanging out. But I'll have another person to guide, so like I said, I won't be as readily available. But you still have my phone number and everything.”

“I'd like that,” Keith said. “I don't want to lose you. As a friend,” he added quickly.

“You won't,” Shiro said, turning on his blinker. “Your sophomore year is going to be tough, I'm not going to lie. I think they should continue the Ship Mates into the sophomore year, because choosing your main course of study is difficult. Do you know what you want to go for?”

“I want to be a fighter pilot,” Keith said. Shiro raised his eyebrows.

“That's an impressive goal,” he said. “Everyone wants to do that though. But I think you have what it takes to impress your teachers.”

“You do?” Keith asked.

“Of course,” Shiro said. “You're smart, and I've heard that you've done well in the simulations. I think you're gonna do great.”

“Teachers talk about me?” Keith said, shocked. Shiro pulled into a space and looked over at him.

“Yeah,” Shiro said. “Iverson says you have the potential to be the best pilot the Garrison has ever seen. And I believe him.”

“Wow,” Keith said softly. He had no idea he was doing so well.

“I believe in you,” Shiro said as they got out of the car. “And I'll help you if you need anything. I promise.”

Keith smiled shyly at him. “Thanks,” he said.

“No problem. Now lets leave the Garrison behind and go have some fun!”

 

 

**NOW**

 

To an outside observer, it would seem as though Shiro and Keith's relationship hadn't changed at all. They interacted exactly the same way they always had, and never got too close into each other's personal space. But if you were to catch them in their private time, you would see just how close they'd gotten.

The two of them had a deep personal connection. Shiro could often be found lying in bed just talking with Keith. It might be about the fate of the universe, but more often than not, it was reminiscing about when they were younger, and everything they had gotten up to. They would spend their private hours holding hands and cuddling close, just appreciating the other's presence. But when it was time for everyone to go to sleep, that's the fire was ignited.

Keith hadn't been prepared for Shiro's desire, not at all. The typically calm and reserved Shiro was completely different in the bedroom. Shiro loved to catch Keith off guard, make him blush.

“So,” Keith said one night, wrapping his arms around Shiro. “We need to come up with a plan to beat Zarkon. This is getting stupid.”

“Mmhm,” Shiro said, taking Keith's hand in his.

“But I don't know what to do. How are we supposed to do this? I mean, I know the blades are on our side and—Shiro cut that out! I'm trying to talk to you!”

“Cut what out?” Shiro asked innocently, kissing Keith's fingers.

“You know what I'm talking about.”

“Keep talking,” Shiro said. “I'm listening.” Then, he took a finger into his mouth and gently began to suck. Keith eyes grew wide.

“Shiro that's not fair,” he said in a choked voice. “You can't...you can't do that and expect me to keep talking about Zarkon.”

“No?” Shiro said popping off. “Why not?”

Keith turned red. “You know why!”

“Say it,” Shiro whispered, and gave Keith's pointer finger a lick. Keith gulped.

“Because...because it makes me want...you know.”

“Nope.”

“Shiro!” Keith said in a high pitched voice. “You know what I mean!”

“Makes you want your cock in my mouth?”

Keith slowly nodded. He still wasn't used to hearing Shiro talk like that. It was almost embarrassing.

“But I want to talk about Zarkon too.”

“How about you talk about Zarkon while I give you head?”

“I would NOT like to associate Zarkon with orgasms thank you very much,” Keith said.

“Alright I'll stop,” Shiro said, turning around and kissing Keith. “So what were you saying?”

“I forgot.”

“Of course you did.” Shiro said with a small laugh.

“So I mean, if you still want to...” Keith said, biting his lower lip. Shiro grinned at him.

“I'd love to.”

But there was one thing missing from their relationship, one thing that Allura was quick to pick up on.

One day, they were all sitting in the lounge, having a rare moment of relaxation. Keith chose to sit next to Shiro, and as he did, Coran and Allura gave each other meaningful glances.

“You know,” Allura said, “I think that we should all take a small break.”

“What?” Pidge said, frowning. “Take a break from fighting Zarkon? That's ridiculous.”

“No it's not!” Allura said, annoyed. “We're all highly stressed, and I think we ought to visit a peaceful planet. The planet in question is called Mitzel, and there is large city called Arkenham on it. Arkenham has a new years celebration every year, a huge one. I think we should go visit it—their new year is approaching. We can all let loose and maybe we could go to dinner.”

“We're a big group,” Shiro said. “Do you think there will be anywhere that won't need reservations?”

“Oh we could spilt up into smaller groups,” Allura said.

“Yeah, like I could take Allura out for a nice dinner.” Lance said with a grin.

Allura chose to ignore this. “As I was saying, we could split into smaller groups. You and Keith could go do something and--”

“You want us to go on a date,” Keith said crossing his arms. “Is that what this is about?”

“N-no!” Allura said, her cheeks turning a rosy pink. “But now that you mention that, wouldn't it be fun?”

“A date?” Keith asked. Allura nodded.

“Yeah, that could be fun,” Shiro said.

“I just think it's weird that you're trying to set us up on a date. That you're going to land the ship on a planet just so we can have a date.”

“Come on,” Hunk said. “It's not just about you. I can learn some local recipes and try and make them for everyone on the ship! How cool would that be?”

“And I can see the local ladies, maybe even have some fun during the count down to new years!”

“If they even have that tradition,” Pidge said, rolling her eyes.

“What tradition?” Allura asked, interested.

“On Earth, we kiss when it's officially the new year,” Shiro said.

“Oh. Well I don't know if they have that,” Coran said, “So be careful. We certainly didn't do that on Altea.”

“Well then I'll just have to introduce them to some new traditions,” Lance said with a grin.

The trip to Mitzel didn't take very long, but Keith paced the floor to his bedroom the entire time. He'd been on a total of one date before...well. Keith didn't like to think about that memory. He didn't like to think about Omar.

There was a knock at his door, and Shiro entered.

“So this is where you've been,” Shiro said. “What are you doing holed up in your room?”

“Dates aren't something I like to do,” Keith said. “And to be forced to go on one? It pisses me off.”

“We can hang out with everyone else,” Shiro said consolingly. “We don't have to pair off.”

“Yeah, but then everyone's gonna wonder if something happened with our relationship and they're gonna ask questions. I can't believe Allura decided to do this!”

“It's not like it's a first date where you don't know the other person,” Shiro said, moving closer to Keith. “It'll just be like we're hanging out.”

“I guess,” Keith said.

“I can make it worth your while,” Shiro said with a small smile.

“Oh really?” Keith asked, putting a hand on Shiro's chest.

Shiro looked like he was about to say something when Allura's voice broadcasted across the castle.

“Paladins!” she said happily, “We have arrived!”

“Well, we better head out,” Shiro said, earning an irritated look from Keith. “Oh come on,” Shiro said. “It's not going to be as bad as you think.”

“So,” Allura said, as they all left the ship, “My father spoke of this planet often, telling me how incredible the new year's celebrations are. And the best part? Every restaurant and food cart is free! So we don't need to have the local currency!”

“Free?” Keith asked. “That seems like a weird business practice.”

“Oh lighten up Keith,” Lance said. “It's just one night of the year.”

“Yeah but it seems like you'd make a ton of money this night.”

“You're complaining about free food?” Hunk asked. “Don't look a gift horse in the mouth man, just accept it.”

Shiro took Keith's hand, and for some reason, Lance crossed his arms and looked away. “Come on, let's go have some fun.”

It turned out that all of the restaurants had been booked since the summer months, so Shiro and Keith wandered over to the food carts.

“Uh...I can't read any of this,” Keith said, looking at the menu posted.

“Well, it's a good thing there are pictures,” Shiro said, taking a paper menu. They managed to communicate with the vendor by simply pointing at what they wanted, and soon had two steaming bowls of what looked like ramen.

“I can't believe I'm saying this,” Shiro said, after taking a bite, “But this is better than any ramen you can get in Japan.”

“This isn't exactly ramen,” Keith said, taking a bite. “But it does look and taste a lot like it. I wonder what it really is?”

“I'd say it's best not to know, not after what Hunk ate on the Balmera. For all we know, we're eating cave bugs too.”

“Is it better than your uh...sobo's?”

Shiro smiled as they sat down at a picnic table. “Are you trying to speak Japanese?”

“I only know a couple words,” Keith said. “I can't really remember any of what you taught me.”

“To be fair I didn't teach you a lot,” Shiro said. “And you didn't teach me much Korean.”

“That's because I don't know much Korean,” Keith said, twisting some noodles on his fork. “My dad was fluent, but he didn't really bother teaching me any more than I needed to know to sort of talk to my grandparents. After he...” Keith was quiet for a moment. “After the accident, I didn't have anyone to speak with so I kinda lost it. I don't remember anything really.”

“I'm losing my Japanese too,” Shiro said. “A year without using it has made me a little rusty. It's cute that you're trying to use it though. And to answer your question, it's better than my grandma's.”

To Keith's surprise, he found himself enjoying his date immensely. It was easy to talk and hang out with Shiro. There were never any awkward moments, never any moments where they had no idea what to say.

“Hey look!” Shiro said, pointing upwards. A large sign had just turned on, and the crowd was getting excited. “I think it's the count down.”

“Do you think they start from 5 or 10?” Keith asked.

“Let's count from 10 and see.”

Everyone began chanting, and Keith and Shiro joined in, but in English.

“5...4...3...2...1!” Fire works exploded, and Shiro pulled Keith in for a kiss. Keith melted in Shiro's arms, and Shiro held him tight.

“Happy Mitzelian new year,” Shiro said, breaking away.

“Happy Mitzelian new year.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**THEN**

“So how did your coming out go?” Omar asked as Keith slid into bed with him.

“Oh. I didn't come out,” Keith admitted.

“What?” Omar asked, shocked. “Why not?”

“There wasn't a good opening,” Keith said, shrugging. “And I'm worried.”

“About what? Isn't Shiro gay too?”

“I think so,” Keith said, “But what if he's not? What if he hates me?”

“If he hates you then he's not worth your time,” Omar said. Keith was quiet for a moment.

“Did you have fun at least?” Omar asked. Keith brightened up at this.

“Oh yeah!” he said, “But you were wrong, people were dressed up. You should've seen Shiro.” Keith launched into a description of what Shiro looked like, and Omar's face grew hard.

“You really noticed him, didn't you?” Omar said coldly.

“Hard not to,” Keith said. “We hung out the whole night.”

“That's not what I meant and you know it,” Omar said. “You still like him, don't you? You're still staring at him, appreciating his body. I don't do that with other guys! Why are you doing it with him?”

“I'm not appreciating him, it's just--”

“You spent three minutes talking about his outfit and how he looked in it,” Omar said. “Look I think you should sleep in your own bunk tonight.”

“Omar...”

“Don't 'Omar' me. I don't want you in my bed tonight.”

The days passed by, and Omar was growing increasingly colder towards Keith, finding new ways of avoiding him. Keith began to spend more time with Shiro, which only seemed to anger Omar more.

“Well YOU'RE not hanging out with me!” Keith said angrily one night, after a terrible night out with Omar. “Who else am I supposed to hang out with?”

“What about that Sarah girl from your class?” Omar said, frustrated. “Or literally anyone else? You're only proving my point! You aren't over Shiro! Why are you even with me? Is it because you wanted a distraction from him? A way to get over him?”

Keith was quiet for too long, and Omar pushed past him, tears in his eyes. “It's over Keith,” he said, storming out.

Omar did not return to the dorm that night, and Keith started noticing some of Omar's belongings vanishing. Keith was pretty sure that Omar was secretly staying with someone else, and this broke his heart. Yes, he'd been with Omar because it was easy. But he hadn't meant to hurt him like that.

“Shiro, I need to talk to you,” Keith said one night, picking at his food. Shiro looked up from his burger.

“Shoot,” he said.

“Something bad happened to me,” Keith said with a sigh. “I...I had a boyfriend,” he said quickly, and gave Shiro a look.

“That's bad?” Shiro asked.

“No not that,” Keith said. “I...we broke up because he thinks I'm still in love with someone else.”

“Are you?” Shiro asked.

“I don't know,” Keith said miserably. “I just really hurt his feelings and...aren't you surprised that I had a boyfriend?”

Shiro shrugged. “Not really.”

“Was it that obvious?”

“No.”

“Then why--”

“Because sexuality isn't that surprising. It is what it is. I mean, after all, I'm gay.”

“I figured,” Keith said. Shiro laughed.

“Really?”

“Yeah, the way you were dancing with Matt that night. It looked...you guys looked like...”

“Matt and I...it's complicated,” Shiro finally said. “But you don't need to know about that,” he said. “I'm sorry you and your boyfriend broke up.”

“The worst part is he's my roommate.”

“Really?” Shiro said, shocked. “So you still have to see him every day?”

“No, he secretly moved out.”

“Ooo hope he doesn't get caught. He'll get in trouble for that,” Shiro said. Keith nodded.

“I'm worried about that. I still care about him.”

“What about the other guy? Do you care about him more?”

Keith looked up at Shiro miserably. The answer was written across his face, a clear “Yes.” Shiro sighed deeply.

“My advice to you is to not just rush into a relationship. Just because you want one, or it seems easy, or you're flattered that the other person likes you...you shouldn't rush. Go into a relationship because you truly want to be in one. You have truly care for that person. And it sounds like, while you did care about him, you cared about someone else way more. That imbalance was always going to ruin this.”

“I know,” Keith said. “I just wanted to get over the other guy.”

“That is a terrible reason to get into a relationship,” Shiro said seriously. “Never do that again.”

“But what if I never get over this guy?” Keith asked, sounding upset.

“Why don't you just tell him your feelings?”

“Because...he...”

“He's with someone.”

“Uh. Y-yeah. He's dating someone,” Keith said. It wasn't a total lie as it sounded as though Shiro and Matt were dating.

“Well, you're the only one who can figure this out,” Shiro said. “I've been in the same place you're in—wanting someone you can't have. And it's hard! It sucks! But you'll get over him. I promise.”

 

**NOW**

“So what do you want to do now?” Shiro asked Keith as they walked through the crowds. People were still mingling and enjoying the free food and drink. There were plenty of drunk people stumbling around, cheeks flushed and laughing harder than normal. Keith was glad he wasn't one of them, he hated losing control for even a second.

“Well, you did say you'd make it worth my while,” Keith said, hooking his pinky with Shiro's. Shiro looked over at him.

“I did say that,” he said. “But didn't you have a good time?”

“I did, but you can't break a promise.”

Shiro laughed at that. “I guess I can't. Well, what did you have in mind?”

“W-what did YOU have in mind?” Keith stuttered. “You were the one who suggested it.”

“I think we should find a place to stay the night,” Shiro said, looking around. “That might be difficult. Let's see if we can find a place that looks like a hotel.”

“Can't we just go back to the ship?”

“I miss having a big bed,” Shiro said. “I kind of want to find one. Plus it'll give us room to spread out.”

A bed. Give them room to spread out. Keith had known what Shiro had meant when he had said that he would make it worth his while, but it still gave him a fluttering sensation in his belly.

They walked for a while, and finally found a place that had a sign that looked as though it might say “Vacancy” on it. The two men walked in, still holding hands, and approached the counter.

The person at the counter looked at them, and then at their hands, and began chatting animatedly with them. Shiro and Keith exchanged a glance.

“Shit. I forgot we don't speak their language.”

“What do we do?”

It took a while for the three of them to finally come to an understanding, but eventually they got across the idea that they wanted a bedroom. Shiro had to grab a piece of paper and draw out the idea, and the person behind the counter nodded in apparent understanding. They gestured to Shiro and Keith, and brought them up to a room, before waving goodbye.

“Did he just give us a room...for free?” Shiro asked, closing the door.

“Did he just send us to the honey moon suite?” Keith asked, shocked. Shiro turned around and started cracking up. The bed was in the shape of a heart, and rose petals had been tossed over the pink and white sheets. There was a bottle of what looked like Champagne chilling in a bucked of ice with two wine flutes, and the lights had been dimmed.

“I guess so,” Shiro said, taking Keith's hand and leading him into the room. “He must've assumed we were together.”

“Well we were holding hands,” Keith said fairly. “He probably guessed we came here to uh.” Keith cleared his throat and looked away.

“You can never just say it, can you?” Shiro asked, taking both of Keith's hands in his. “Why not?”

“It's embarassing!” Keith said.

“Sex is embarassing?”

“A little bit,” Keith admitted.

Shiro's communicator suddenly buzzed. “Hold on,” he said, and took a peek. “Aw jeez,” he said, tapping out a quick response.

“What?” Keith asked.

“Nothing,” Shiro said, putting the communicator away. “Don't worry about it.”

“What? Who was it?” Keith said, irritated.

“Allura wanted to know where we were. So I told her.”

“You told her we were in a hotel?”

“She already guessed that part,” Shiro said.

“Well what'd she say?” Keith asked, curiously. Shiro sighed.

“You don't want to know.”

“SHIRO.”

“She wanted to know...if we're...god I can't say it,” Shiro said, shaking his head. “It's so ridiculous, and I'm going to kill Lance.”

Keith blinked. “I'm all for killing Lance, but that seems a bit extreme for you. What'd she ask?”

“If we're 'performing the ritual to make a child'”

Keith choked on air. “What did you say?”

“I said that the two of us happen to be biologically incapable of creating a child together and that we'd be at the Castle in the morning.

“So what does that have to do with Lance?”

“He basically said he thinks we went off to have sex, but not in those terms. Allura got the picture and well...”

“Why would she even ask that?”

“My guess is she's drunk. All the free food and drink? I'm surprised we aren't.”

“I don't drink,” Keith said. “I don't like the taste.”

“Well do you know what does taste good?” Shiro asked, putting his hands on Keith's hips.

“What?” Keith said, looking shy.

“You,” Shiro said, bending down to kiss him. Keith let out a hum of pleasure, and circled his arms around Shiro's neck. This was everything he had ever wanted. Their kisses always feel so natural and easy, as if they were always meant to be, destined for each other.

Keith angled his head and began working Shiro's mouth open with his own. Shiro's mouth opened easily, and soon their tongues were sliding against each other, fully tasting the other. And god did Shiro taste good.

Keith found himself being backed up against the bed, and soon, he's pinned. Their kisses have become fevered in intensity, the slick sound of wet lips on lips filling the room. Keith's heart pumped hard and fast, and he could hear his pulse in his ears. Shiro's large hands dived under Keith's shirt, exploring every inch of skin. He gently ran his thumbs over Keith's nipples, getting a shaky sigh in response.

“Shiro...Shiro I want...do you want to--?”

“Yes,” Shiro said quickly. He picks Keith up and moves him further onto the mattress. He climbed on top of Keith, but instead of making any moves, he simply continued kissing. Their hips roll against each other, hardening cocks grinding together. Soon, the two were tearing each other's clothes off, desperate for the feeling of hot skin on skin, desperate to be as close as two people can be.

“Wait, stop!” Keith said, as Shiro's hand dived downwards to cup him. Shiro pulled his hand back as though burned and sat up.

“Is everything okay?” Shiro asked, looking concerned.

“Everything is fine. Great, even. It's just...” Keith looked to the side, and Shiro looked even more concerned.

“Keith, something is wrong, I can tell.”

“No, really! It's just...you always are the one making me feel good,” Keith said, reaching up and stroking Shiro's cheek. “I feel like you don't get to get anything out of it.”

“Making you feel good makes me feel good,” Shiro said.

“But I want to do it,” Keith said. “I want to make you feel nice.”

“You do make me feel nice.”

“Takashi.”

Shiro stared into Keith's violet eyes, and then nodded. “Okay,” he said. “If it's really that important to you, we can do this.”

Keith smiled, and Shiro rolled to the side, allowing Keith to get on top of him. It was thrilling to be on top, to have such a strong man underneath his slighter form. Keith kissed Shiro deeply, and then gently began to kiss his way down until he reached Shiro's underwear.

“Can I?” he asked.

“Of course,” Shiro said.

Keith pulled down Shiro's underwear, and got comfortable in between his legs. Shiro had a beautiful cock, long and thick, the tip rosy red. Keith gently kissed the tip, feeling excited. He'd touched Shiro before, but he'd never had him in his mouth, never pleasured him the way Shiro pleasured Keith. He ran his tongue along the underside of Shiro's cock, and began licking him like a popsicle in the heat of summer.

Shiro let out little sighs of pleasure, letting Keith explore him with his tongue. And when Keith engulfed Shiro's velvety head in his hot mouth, he let out a deep groan, hand flying to Keith's head. He tangled his fingers in Keith's long hair, gently encouraging him to bob up and down.

Keith was inexperienced, teeth occasionally nicking his cock, but Shiro didn't mind. This wasn't just anyone sucking him off, it was _Keith._ Keith, the man he'd mentored for so long, developed such a deep friendship with, and loved so much. As Keith kept it up, he realized he really and truly was in love with Keith. This was a long time coming, something that was always going to happen.

“Oh baby...oh Keith...” Shiro moaned out as Keith began to bob faster on his length. Keith was a fast learner, and was practically swallowing him. How was he doing this on his first try? Shiro could feel his orgasm creeping closer and closer and god he needed to warn Keith, he needed to let him know.

“I'm...I'm close Keith!” Shiro moaned out, but Keith didn't seem to care. If anything, he began to suck harder. With a rumbling groan, Shiro came, hot ropes of cum shooting down Keith's throat. Keith choked slightly, and pulled off, some of Shiro's release shooting onto his face.

Shiro laughed, and then swallowed hard as he watched Keith wipe it off and suck his cum off of his fingers.

“Your turn,” Shiro said in a husky voice.

“Was I okay?” Keith asked as he resumed his typical position underneath Shiro.

“Better than okay,” Shiro said, kissing him. He could taste himself on Keith, a musky taste that mingled with the natural sweetness of Keith's mouth.

Shiro leapt up, and Keith watched him curiously as Shiro went into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of...something.

“I really hope this is lotion,” Shiro said. He got back on top of Keith and slathered his metal hand in the substance.

“What are you doing?” Keith asked.

“You'll see,” Shiro said cryptically. They began to kiss again, and Shiro's metal hand crept downwards until oh! He was inside of Keith. And if this wasnt good enough...

“Holy shit!” Keith cried out as Shiro's hand began to vibrate. “Takashi...baby...oh my god!” Keith could feel himself nearing orgasm, but with Shiro's hand inside of him, he realized that he didn't want to cum from this, he wanted something more, but how could he ask?

“Please...” Keith practically wailed. “I don't want to...not from...I want you to!”

“Want me to what?” Shiro asked.

“I want you in me,” Keith said, cheeks flaming.

Shiro's eyes went wide, and he removed his finger. “Are you sure?”

“Please,” Keith begged. “I need it.”

Shiro paused, looking as though he was thinking something over. “No,” he finally said.

“TAKASHI!” Keith whined. “Please!”

“No,” Shiro said again. “It's not because I don't want to, it's just...have you ever done this before?”

“No,” Keith admitted.

“I want you to have a good first time,” Shiro said, and kissed the center of Keith's sweaty forehead. “And...bottoming for the first time sucks. It really does. So for your first time even attempting this, I want you on top.”

“Wait, me on top?” Keith asked, sitting up fast. “No! I can't! I don't know how!”

“It's not complicated...well, I mean you CAN fuck up—not that you're going to!” Shiro said quickly at Keith's panicked expression. “You'll be fine.”

“What if it doesn't feel good for you?” Keith asked.

“I already came, don't focus on that,” Shiro said consolingly, but Keith didn't look comforted.

“But I want it to feel good for you,” Keith said.

“It WILL. I'll guide you through it, it's fine.”

Keith bites his bottom lip and then nods. “Okay.”

“Okay, get behind me then,” Shiro says, and gets on all fours.

“I want to see you,” Keith complained, but Shiro shook his head.

“This'll be easier. Missionary isn't the best for your first time. Trust me on this one. Now you're going to want to prep me for this. You can't just stick it in.”

Keith nodded, and grabbed the bottle of lotion. He slicked up his fingers and gently eased a finger into Shiro, eliciting a long, happy sigh. He thrusted his finger in and out, and then added a second, scissoring his fingers back and forth in the hopes that he was widening Shiro.

“A third, give me a third!” Shiro said, sounding slightly desperate. Keith had never heard Shiro's voice sound like this before, and he quickly added a third finger, getting a positively pornographic moan in response. It went straight to Keith's dick, and he began to feel desperate to be inside of him.

Keith pulled his fingers out, and put his hands on Shiro's hips. “Do you think that's good enough?”

“Yeah,” Shiro said. “I think it's fine.”

Keith slicked himself up and pressed the velvety head of his cock against Shiro's opening. With a deep breath, he began to press in. At first, it seemed like Shiro's body was protesting against the intrustion. It was so tight, and hard to get in. But finally, _finally_ , Shiro seemed to open up, and Keith moaned as he slid inside.

Keith draped himself over Shiro's back, reaching down and gripping at his wrists. His thrusts are uncoordinated, and Shiro has to remind him a few times to be gentle. But soon, he's moving in a way that feels oh so good, but it's not enough, he's not hitting Shiro where he needs it.

“Okay, you can go faster, faster baby, oh god...” Shiro moans, as Keith starts listening to him. He drives his hips in harder, at a quicker pace. He moves his body just so, angles his hips just right, and Shiro damn near screams as Keith hits his prostate.

“AGAIN!” Shiro shouts. “Do that again!”

Keith takes the command and stays at that angle, hitting it spot on every time. The mattress squeaks and bounces underneath him, and the two are sure that the person who led them up to this room can hear their cries. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was their primal, natural connection.

With one last thrust, Keith cries out, and Shiro could feel him pulsing within him, warmth filling him up. There hadn't been any condoms available, and Shiro knew he was going to regret the mess later. But right now? It felt perfect.

“No...” Keith moaned.

“What?” Shiro panted.

“I came first!”

“I already came baby, you don't need to—oh!”

Keith had reached around, and was stroking Shiro hard and fast. The slight pain was nothing compared to the pleasure he felt, and soon fireworks were bursting in front of his eyes as his release shot out of him and onto the bed. Both of them collapsed.

They arranged themselves so that they were cuddled in each other's arms, and Keith looked up at Shiro.

“Did I do okay?”

“You did great,” Shiro said. “Did you like it?”

“Mmhmm,” Keith said. “It was great.”

The two of them soon drifted off, holding each other close. They had come so far, and were both wondering just how far they'd go.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with the topics of depression, parental death, and suicidal ideation. Contact me here or at subwaystanwich on tumblr if you'd like a summary instead of reading it.

**THEN**

 

Keith wasn't supposed to hear it. Keith wasn't supposed to know. But accidents happen, accidents like walking in on the police officer talking to your grandmother.

“I'm sorry Miss Kogane. All that was found was blood soaked ground and a hand.”

Keith couldn't stop the wail that left him. He couldn't stop himself from screaming at the police officer when he was told to walk out of the room.

He had been informed of his father's disappearance on his 17th birthday.

“Keith Kogane to the office.”

The words blasted over the loudspeaker and Keith sighed. Great. What did they want with him? He was already having a bad enough day already, why did he have to go talk to the principal? He scooted his chair out from his desk and stood up, grabbing his bag.

“Ooooo!” Lance said in a mocking voice, which Keith tried to ignore. “What'd you do, Kogane?”

Keith walked down the hallway towards the office, trying to think of what he could've possibly done wrong this time. He hadn't gotten into any fights, he hadn't said anything rude to any of the teachers. What the fuck was going on?

He opened the door to the office, and sat down in the chair in front of the principal's desk. The principal looked unusually somber, which confused Keith.

“Why am I here?” Keith asked without preamble.

“I have some unfortunate news for you,” the principal said, voice heavy. “Your grandmother called us to inform you that your father has gone missing.”

And now, a week later the police had come to inform his grandmother that they had found some of his father. Keith had gone to visit her on her request. She couldn't be alone, not with the knowledge that her only son was gone. They both needed the support, the caring, the reassurance that it was going to be okay.

But it wasn't.

And it never would be.

Keith lay in his bed, tears streaming down his face as his grandmother stroked his hair. Keith wanted to be the strong one, and he felt so weak as he was comforted by a woman who was in just as much pain as he was.

“Can we even hold a funeral?” Keith finally asked.

“Of course dear,” his grandmother said. “We still have...him. We can cremate it and hold a ceremony.”

“Are they giving us his body?” Keith asked.

“Of course. Why wouldn't they?”

When she finally left the room, Keith felt his phone buzz. It was Shiro.

_Thinking of you. Hope everything is okay._

Despite everything, Keith smiled. He felt like his whole world was ending, but here came Shiro to be the light in the dark.

_It's not_

Shiro was quick to reply.

_What's wrong?_

Keith wasn't sure how to respond to this without horrifying his friend.

_My dad was fucking murdered and chopped up_

No that was too graphic. But it was true. That was the implication of what the police officer had said. Unless his father had cut off his own hand and run off, he'd been killed. But where was the rest of the body?

_What_

Keith stared at Shiro's response and sighed. Yep, he'd been right. His text had been too graphic, and way too much information.

_It's true, I heard the police officer talking to my grandma. They found part of him, but not all._

_Do you want me to call you?_

_I'd love to hear your voice._

Wait what the fuck? Why had he said that? Out of all the “yes” responses he could've said, he responded with THAT? Keith groaned. He was having a hard time figuring out appropriate responses to texts apparently.

His phone vibrated to indicate an incoming call, and Keith picked up.

“Hey,” Keith said sadly.

“Hey,” Shiro said, concern in his voice. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I don't know,” Keith said heavily. “I don't know. My dad was all I had. My grandma barely ever talks to me, I don't even know her that well. She's sending me back to the Garrison while she makes funeral arrangements because she wants me to get the most of my “expensive education.” She said she'll pay for my last two years, but she sounded pissed about it.”

“Well the Garrison isn't cheap. But with your skills as a pilot, you might be able to apply for a scholarship or two.”

“Maybe,” Keith said. “I don't want to leave Texas though. I want to help with the funeral!”

“I'm sorry,” Shiro said heavily. “But it sounds like your grandmother has it covered. When you come back, you and I can do something together, okay?”

“Sure,” Keith said with a sigh. “I...I need to go, okay?”

“Okay,” Shiro said. “Talk soon?”

“Talk soon.”

Keith's grandmother was quick to send him back to the Garrison, something that deeply saddened him. He got the feeling that she didn't want him around. His father had mentioned that she hadn't liked his mother very much. Maybe that was why she hated him. He was a living reminder of the woman she hated and the son she had just lost.

At least he had Shiro. Or did he?

Every time Keith tried to contact Shiro, Shiro was busy.

“Sorry, I promise we'll hang out later, okay?” Shiro would say. “I'm planning a huge mission to Kerberos right now. I don't have as much time as I thought.”

Keith sunk lower and lower into his funk, feeling as though nobody was there for him. His father was dead, his grandmother hated him, and now Shiro was putting him off. With nobody around to talk to him, Keith started skipping classes, instead choosing to stay holed up in his room. What even was the point anymore? If nobody was there for him, maybe it would be better if...

No.

Keith refused to think about it. But it was tempting, really it was. He could join his father. Nothing would hurt anymore, and his grandmother would no longer have such a big expense on her hands. Maybe it would just be better for everyone if he just...he just...

 

* * *

“Everything okay?” Commander Sam Holt asked Shiro. Shiro was looking at his phone with a disappointed look on his face.

“Yeah, I just...I was hoping to talk with Keith. He's not picking up.”

“Keith? Keith Kogane?”

“Yeah?” Shiro said, looking up at his Commander. “How do you know him?”

“Iverson was talking about how some kid name Keith Kogane had been skipping classes for about a week now. They've just started to get concerned, and were trying to figure out what to do.”

Shiro nearly dropped his phone.

“A whole week?” he practically shouted. “And they haven't done anything yet?”

“Well, I'm guessing not, but--”

“I have to go,” Shiro said, rushing past Sam.

“Shiro where are you going?”

“To find out what's going on.” Shiro said, sounding slightly panicked.

Shiro knew that Keith felt emotions—all of his emotions—much stronger than most people did. The death of a parent would bring anyone down, but Keith? Shiro was internally kicking himself for not putting aside time to talk with his friend. What kind of asshole was he? Keith could be...could be...

Shiro practically ran into the dorms, slamming his finger on the elevator button that would get him to Keith's floor. He hurried down the hallways, getting odd looks from passersby, but he didn't care. What mattered was getting to his friend.

When he got to the right dorm, Shiro pounded on the door.

“Keith!” he shouted. “Open up!”

Nothing.

“Keith!” Shiro said, panic rising in his voice. “It's Shiro! Please! Open up!”

Nothing.

“Keith if you don't open the door I'm breaking it down! I'll give you three seconds. One! Two!”

The door opened, and Keith stood in the frame, glaring at Shiro. Shiro sighed in relief, but wasn't pleased with what he saw. Keith had dark circles under his eyes, and by the look of his hair, he hadn't showered in quite some time.

“You're alright,” Shiro said. “Thank god.”

“I wouldn't go that far,” Keith mumbled. “Why are you threatening to break my door down?”

“I was worried about you,” Shiro said. “I heard you hadn't been out of your room in a week, and I got scared.”

Keith looked shocked. “You were scared?”

“Your dad just died, and I know things have been hard on the family. I just...was worried that...that you might've...”

Keith looked at the ground, and then back up at Shiro. “Come in,” he said.

Shiro entered the room, and his heart sank. It was filthy. Clothes were strewn all over the floor, and trash was piling up. Clearly Keith hadn't been picking up after himself. Keith motioned for Shiro to sit on his bed, and he did.

“You thought I was going to kill myself,” Keith said, looking Shiro in the eyes. Shiro looked uncomfortable.

“Or something like that,” he said. “I wasn't completely sure.”

“I did think about it,” Keith admitted, and Shiro gasped.

“Keith...”

“But I don't need help or anything like that!” Keith said. “I just...I felt so alone and...and I wanted my dad so bad that I thought maybe if I did that I could see him again. I got a rope and everything,” he said, pointing to a small bag on the floor, “But then your face popped up. And I couldn't do it.”

“You couldn't?”

“No,” Keith said. “I wasn't far gone enough not to be able to think that maybe you'd miss me. Maybe you'd be upset. And I couldn't do that to you. Hurting myself was one thing, but hurting you? That's something I couldn't do.”

Shiro suddenly pulled Keith into a bone crushing hug, causing Keith to let out an undignified squeak.

“Shiro!” he said, but didn't attempt to pull away.

“Thank you for staying,” Shiro said, pulling away. He took Keith's hands in his, and they locked eyes.

“You're my reason,” Keith said simply. “You're my reason to stay.”

“I'll always be here for you,” Shiro said. “Always. I will never leave you.”

“Well until you go to Kerberos,” Keith said with a smile. Shiro rolled his eyes.

“Well yeah. But you'll be on my mind the whole time,” Shiro said.

“That's the sappiest thing anyone has ever said to me,” Keith said, unable to keep the pink tinge off of his cheeks. “That sounds like something you'd say to a boyfriend.”

“I can't be sappy to my friends?,” Shiro asked. “I mean it Keith, I really do. And when I get back, you'll be the first person I visit, okay? We'll do something fun.”

“Okay,” Keith said with a smile. “I'd like that. You and me forever?”

“You and me, best friends forever,” Shiro said.

 

**NOW**

 

“I hate this,” Lance mumbled, sipping a juice pouch and lying on the lounge couch. “This is the worst hangover I've ever had.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow at him and Lance froze.

“Not uh, that I've ever been hungover before,” he quickly said.

“I'm not going to judge you,” Shiro said, putting up his hands. “Don't worry.”

“Yeah, you've probably've gotten up to enough trouble on your own, right?” Lance asked. Shiro shrugged.

“Maybe a little, but not a lot. Here's partying and everything that comes with it,” Shiro said, drawing a circle in the air. “And here's doing well enough to get a job at the Garrison.” He drew another circle, far away from it. “And never the twain shall meet. I picked studying hard.”

“You never partied?” Lance said, shocked.

“No,” Shiro said. “I had a boyfriend, but that's all the fun I got up to.”

“The fu--? _Oh_ ,” Lance said, blushing. “I uh. I see. So you guys uh...”

Lance didn't get to finish his sentence as a tired looking Allura entered the room.

“The Blade of Marmora has contacted us. They wish to discuss a plan to defeat Zarkon once and for all. They have some pretty solid ideas that they want o share with us, but I wanted to wait until all the Paladins were here.”

“What? Right now?” Lance said, frustrated. “I don't feel like it.”

“Neither does anyone else, but they're all on the bridge. I suggest you come as well.”

“But Allura, my head hurts!”

“Well that's your own fault for drinking so much!” Allura snapped. “Get up and come to the bridge!”

“You better do what she says,” Shiro says, “Or you'll be in for it.”

“I guess,” Lance said, sitting up. “Are you coming?”

“Of course,” Shiro said. “I don't want to be in trouble either.”

“You're the leader though,” Lance said as they walked down the hallway. “Aren't you the one who doles out the punishments?”

Shiro stifled a laugh. “I wouldn't say I 'dole out the punishments' but I suppose you have a small point.”

“Only a small one?” Lance said, annoyed.

“The thing is, I don't want to be on Allura's shit list.”

Keith stopped dead in his tracks.

“Did you just swear?”

Shiro cocked his head. “Huh? Yeah, I guess I did.”

“I've never heard you swear before!”

“Really?” Shiro asked, surprised. “That's weird.”

“You never swear!” Lance said.

“I do, but I suppose I keep it clean for the crew.”

“Bet you don't keep it clean for Keith,” Lance said crossing his arms. Shiro grinned at him.

“What I say to Keith is anything but clean,” Shiro said, and Lance's eyes went wide.

“Uh, too much information!” Lance said, flapping his hands in the air. “Didn't need to hear that!”

“You kinda walked right into it,” Shiro said as they walked onto the bridge.

“Yeah, but you're like my dad. I don't want to know about that!”

“Shiro, Lance! Good to see you!” Allura said. “We actually just finished the call with Kolivan--”

“Without us?” Shiro asked, surprised.

“The Blades are going to send a ship our way so they can talk to us in person. They said they had some things they wished to speak with you about as well. Some things about Keith.”

Shiro looked over at Keith who looked highly embarrassed. Pidge and Hunk were grinning, and Coran looked amused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well there are certain...things that people do in a relationship, and they want to make sure you are...being safe by Galra standards.”

“What does that mean?” Lance asked.

“None of your business,” Keith snapped.

“But it is mine,” Shiro said. “And I'm just as curious as Lance.”

“Look it just means that my body can...I don't even know, Kolivan just said that he would bring us...basically condoms, but special ones meant for Galra because...”

“Because the inside of him is all weird! It can dissolve your dick!” Hunk burst out. Keith was bright red, and Shiro approached him.

“Kolivan said all this?”

“Yes,” Keith said, sounding highly annoyed. “In front of EVERYONE. He said he'd pull us aside and give us a more “in depth conversation” about it.”

Shiro ruffled Keith's hair. “It's okay.”

“It's _not_ ,” Keith said. “No everybody knows!”

“Knows what?”

“Knows that we're...”

“Oh we already knew!” Lance said, rolling his eyes. “Just be glad you're getting special space condoms so that Shiro can get up inside you.”

“LANCE!”

Everyone burst out laughing, and Keith crossed his arms, looking furious.

“Guys...” Shiro said.

“Alright we'll cut it out,” Coran said, wiping a happy tear from his eye.

“We SHOULD be coming up with a plan to defeat the Galra, not talking about my sex life.” Keith said angrily.

“Then let's do it!” Shiro said, clapping his hands together. “We've got this.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may not be suitable for those with depression or a past of suicidal behavior. This chapter contains a suicide attempt. If you would instead like a summary of the chapter instead of reading it, contact me here or at subwaystanwich on tumblr.

**THEN**

Keith slowly walked up the stairs to Shiro's apartment. Not that long ago, he had been given a spare key.

“Just in case you need to see me,” Shiro had said. “If you're having an emergency, I want you to be able to come to me immediately.”

Keith put the key into the lock and turned. Nobody knew he was here, and honestly, he probably shouldn't be here. But he didn't care. He needed to be here.

“Shiro?” he called out. “I'm here, are you?”

There was no response, as he knew there wouldn't be.

“You said you'd come back,” Keith said, walking around the apartment. “You said...you said you'd come back, and we'd...we'd...we'd do something fun.”

Keith felt his eyes well up with tears, and his breath hitched.

“You...you said! You LIAR!” he screamed, falling to knees. “You liar...you're not coming back...” Tears fell thick and fast as Keith curled into ball. First his mother, then his father, and now...

“SHIRO!”

* * *

Commander Iverson sat in his office, a haunted look on his face. The Kerberos mission had gone horrifically. His best team, lost in space. No sign of a wreckage, no sign of a struggle. It was as if they had simply vanished. It was the biggest mystery that the Garrison had ever come across.

He turned on his computer, and listened once more to the audio feed that had been found on the space craft. All that he could hear was Shiro screaming “RUN!” and some sort of whooshing noise as if...

No, Iverson wasn't going to allow himself to think about the possibility of an alien attack. That was preposterous. And if they had been...it was worse than the deaths that they had officially reported to the families of the missing crew.

As Iverson exited out of the audio feed, his door burst open, the handle slamming into the wall. Iverson looked up furiously.

“Excuse me!” Iverson said. “What in the blue blazes do you think you're doing?”

Standing in his doorway was one of his interns, who had a panicked expression on her face.

“Get to the armory, FAST!” she shouted.

“Calm yourself,” Iverson said, not making any moves to stand up. “What's going on?”

“Someone broke in and...when we tried to get him out...he's going to kill himself! We need you now!”

“What?” Iverson said, standing up fast. “Who is it?”

“I don't know,” she said. “A student.”

“What does this student look like?” Iverson said as they practically ran down the hallway.

“Asian male, long hair, purple eyes--”

“Purple eyes?” Iverson said. “Only one student like that here. It's Keith. God, of course it's Keith!” he mumbled, getting a surprised look from the intern.

“What do you mean?”

“He's lost a bunch of people in quick succession,” Iverson said as they ran the last few steps to the armory. “I'm not surprised he's pulling this stunt.”

There was a huge crowd around the armory, staring into the windows. Some people had their phones out, video taping and taking pictures of whatever was going on inside. Iverson pushed pasted them all, some of them stumbling back and nearly falling down. He slammed open the door to find someone talking to Keith, who had a gun to his head.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” he screamed at the poor person.

“KOGANE!” Iverson shouted. Keith's finger wasn't yet on the trigger which Iverson took as a good sign. Maybe he wasn't as serious about this as everyone thought.

“GO AWAY!” Keith screamed.

“No!” Iverson said. “Please! Put the gun down!”

“Why should I?” Keith said angrily. “I'm done!”

“With what? What are you done with?” Iverson said, trying to keep his voice steady. Keith's face scrunched up, and tears began to fall.

“With LIFE!”

“Son, so many people will miss you...”

“FUCK THEM!” Keith said, eyes blazing. “My mother's gone...my father and Shiro are dead...they're waiting for me, I know they are! JUST LET ME DIE!” His finger inched onto the trigger, and Iverson began to panic. He inched forwards towards Keith.

“Get away from me!” Keith said, backing up.

“Keith,” Iverson said quietly so only Keith could hear, “Shiro...we're looking for him.”

“I know you're looking for his body,” Keith said. “I don't want to see it! I don't want to go to his--”

“We're looking for HIM,” Iverson said. “I think...he's alive.”

“W-what?” Keith said, shocked.

“Keith, you could help us. You can help us look for him. But you have to put the gun down. Please, put the gun down.”

Keith did put the gun down, but not how Iverson thought. “He's ALIVE?” Keith shrieked. “AND YOU LET ME THINK HE WAS DEAD?” He strode forwards towards Iverson and punched him hard in the face. Iverson fell backwards, and Keith kicked him hard in the ribs.

“You fucking asshole,” Keith said, cold fury in his voice. “How could you?”

Iverson was no longer sympathetic. He got to his feet and grabbed Keith by the front of his shirt.

“First, we're hospitilizing you. Second, you are EXPELLED.”

Keith's eyes went wide. “What?”

“You attacked me! I no longer want to see your sorry ass here!” He let go of Keith's shirt and grabbed his upper arm and walked him out. People continued to take pictures and videos, and Keith could've sworn he saw Lance in the crowd with his phone out.

* * *

Keith sat in his hospital bed, his grandmother sitting on a chair, looking furious. This was the first time she'd visited him, and it was almost time for him to be discharged.

“You are not coming to Texas,” she finally said. Keith frowned.

“What?”

“I am not taking care of you,” she said. “You attacked your teacher and tried to kill yourself. You shame me. I am not interested in taking you in.”

“Where am I supposed to go after this then?” Keith asked, terrified.

“You figure it out,” she said, acid dripping from every syllable. “I don't want you.”

* * *

Being homeless was just as rough as Keith had imagined. He quickly became an excellent theif, able to steal food and water without anyone noticing. But Keith truly began to believe there was a god when he stumbled across an empty shack in the middle of the Arizona desert. He ran inside of it, and looked around. It didn't appear to have been lived in. It was just...there.

Keith made his home there, sleeping on the hard ground until he managed to swipe a whole sleeping bag from a shop. He was utterly surprised with this steal, and almost wondered if the shop keepers just felt bad for him. He had clearly not bathed in a while, and looked worn out.

“I'll find you on my own,” Keith said to himself, looking around. “I'll get a goddamned job and find you.”

 

**NOW**

It was like he was 17 all over again. Everyone he cared about was gone. Keith sat in his room with his head in his hands. Shiro was gone. Again. But this time it was different. This time Keith knew that he would be able to find Shiro. It wasn't as though Shiro was dead, or that far out of his reach. He was lost, but the black lion...maybe the black lion would help them look for him. Was that possible? Or did it need a paladin to do that?

_“After I die, I want you to lead Voltron. You're the only I trust to do it.”_

Keith breathed out hard as these words popped into his head. God, how could Shiro think something like that? Keith didn't want to touch the black lion unless it would help him find Shiro. But could it do that without him being the team leader?

Keith was absorbed in these thoughts when his door opened. He looked up, annoyed.

“Ever heard of knocking?” he asked, irritated.

“Look, I...I need to talk to you,” Lance said, shuffling his feet in the doorway.

“About...?”

“Can I come in?”

“Whatever.”

Lance took that as an invitation, and came inside, closing the door behind him. He sat on the bed next to Keith, earning an odd look from Keith.

“I wanted to check on you,” Lance said. “You seem really broken up about Shiro, and I wanted to make sure that you're doing okay.”

“Who sent you?” Keith asked with a small laugh. Lance looked annoyed at this.

“Nobody sent me, I came on my own. Although, I did tell everyone I was going to do this.”

“Why bother?” Keith asked, frowning. “If you were just going to come talk to me you didn't need to inform everyone.”

“I did though,” Lance said, sighing heavily. “I needed to talk to them. Because the last time Shiro disappeared you...well...”

“What are you saying?” Keith said, narrowing his eyes.

“Well, it was a huge story at the Garrison and...and I was there. You tried to kill yourself. And I wanted to make sure that--”

“Oh fuck you!” Keith said angrily. “You told the whole crew that? Without asking me if that was okay?”

“I...they needed to know! Just in case!” Lance said defensively.

“No they didn't! I'm not going to kill myself! Because Shiro is out there, and we can save him. We WILL save him.”

“Keith...Shiro...he might be--”

“He's not dead.” Keith said, his voice hard. “I'll find him myself if none of you will help me.”

“Alright,” Lance said. “But you're okay? Because...we're all hurting right now. And I know you're probably hurting more than all of us combined because you guys really loved each other.”

“Okay? No, I'm not okay. But I'll be alive. God why did you tell everyone?” Keith said, putting his head in his hands. “Now they're gonna treat me in that stupid special way.”

“What way?”

“I can't explain it, but the tone feels condescending, feels like they're being gentle and delicate and it SUCKS. I just want to be treated normally and now everyone's gonna think I'm about to kill myself at any moment.”

“I was just trying to help!” Lance said, sounding upset. Keith sighed.

“Your heart...was in the right place. Thank you.” he said. “But please...next time ask before telling other people my personal information.”

“Okay,” Lance said quietly. Keith looked at him.

“I'm not mad.”

“You've got a funny way of showing it.”

“Okay, maybe I'm a little mad,” Keith said. “But I guess I get why you did it.”

“Well if you need anything, I'm here for you man.”

“You are?” Keith asked, taken aback.

“Well yeah,” Lance said. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Kinda thought you hated me.”

“Well you're giant asshole, but I'll still talk you off the ledge if I have to. I...I don't _really_ hate you.”

“I don't really hate you either.”

Lance smiled and clapped him on the back. “Good to hear. Now let's get out there and see if we can find Shiro.”

 


End file.
